Sunday, May 27, 2012

A Load Of Bull

A husband and wife went to an agricultural show. One of the first exhibits they stopped at was the breeding bulls. There was a sign attached: THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR.

The wife playfully nudged him in the ribs, smiled and said, "That's almost once a week."

They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached: THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR.

The wife gave him a solid jab and said "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."

They walked to the third pen with a sign: THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR.

Her elbow nearly broke his ribs, as she said "That's once a day. You could really learn something from this one.'

He looked at her and said "Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow."

He only got cold glances for the rest of the day, but at least his ribs were safe.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Reducing Cigarette Smoking In NZ

The New Zealand government is reducing smoking by increasing tax on cigarettes. It seems that every 10% increase in excise, cigarette smoking declines 5%. Hmmm. Let me get this right. The tax increase adds money to sorely depleted government coffers. So how does it all stack up?

The smoker has to pay more for this unhealthy habit, in most cases cutting back on other things to continue.

The tobacco companies will lose 5% of their turn over. They will breathe a sigh of relief it is not more.

The government estimates with future increases, revenue will rise from $1.2 billion a year to $1.7 billion by 2016.

Had the price gone up by 20 or 30%, the shock would have had greater effect in stopping more people. As someone noticed "If you have a big hit, it's difficult for the tobacco industry to cut that. With smaller ones, they can adjust their prices and smooth the effect of an increase. With a big hit, they have less ability to do that."

NZ is struggling to balance its books financially. The good news is that this increase will help achieve that goal. The bad news is the government is even more reliant on tobacco excise. That may be the reason there is only a 10% increase, not one much higher.

In summary, it's not just the smoker then that is hooked on tobacco.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

You Have To Make Time To Pray

I got up early one morning
and rushed right into the day
I had so much to accomplish
that I didn't have time to pray

Problems just tumbled about me
and heavier came each task
'Why doesn't God help me?' I wondered
He answered, 'You didn't ask'

I wanted to see joy and beauty
but the day toiled on gray and bleak
I wondered why God didn't show me
He said, 'But you didn't seek'

I tried to come into God's presence
I used all my keys at the lock
God gently and lovingly chided
'My servant, you didn't knock'

I woke up early this morning
and paused before entering the day
I had so much to accomplish
that I had to take time to pray

Friday, May 18, 2012

My Satnav

I have a little Satnav
It sits there in my car
A Satnav is a driver's friend
It tells you where you are

I have a little Satnav
I've had it all my life
It does more than the normal one
My Satnav is my wife

It gives me full instructions
On exactly how to drive
"It's thirty miles an hour" it says
"And you're doing thirty five"

It tells me when to stop and start
And when to use the brake
And tells me that it's never ever
Safe to overtake

It tells me when a light is red
And when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively
Just when to intervene

It lists the vehicles just in front
It lists those to the rear
And taking this into account
It specifies my gear

I'm sure no other driver
Has so helpful a device
For when we leave and lock the car
It still gives its advice

Monday, May 14, 2012

Picton NZ Eco World Aquarium

We went to the Picton Eco World Aquarium and it is worth a visit. It has large tanks of fish, many smaller ones as well as birds, molluscs, reptiles and insects. The penguins had been released so were not there for our visit. Still, plenty to see.
First picture is a turtle group hug. You could feel the love.

After that a couple of Crayfish, doing what they do best...very little.

Then the the NZ unique Tuatara lizard. They live a long time and apparently breathe very slowly. I must try it to improve my longevity.

Finally, the NZ Weta. It looks like a cricket, but they are again something unique to the country.

Certainly a most useful addition to the Picton foreshore.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Lovely Gesture

A man sat in the armchair and called to his wife "When I die I'm going to leave everything to you my love!"

She shouted back "You already do, you lazy so 'n so!"

That's gratitude for you.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Supermoon In NZ in 2012

The moon was very close on the 6th of May in NZ. 'Perigee' is the name given when the moon is closest to the earth for the month. If it coincides with a full moon, it is called by some a ‘supermoon’. Unfortunately, it wasn't a clear sky where they were taken, but that still gives them a different feel. Here are some photos of it:

Feel free to howl....aaahhhoooo.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Bad Puns

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had Type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government's fault.