Friday, October 20, 2017

What They Could Be Thinking

I would love to look down, but I'd better not. The camera is on us.
Any howl you can do, I can do better
Now where did I put those darned keys
What a dumb joke but I'd better laugh
Just when you want to be left alone, some jerk with a camera turns up....

Thursday, October 19, 2017

Things Difficult To Say When Drunk

As drunkenness makes one look foolish and often behave disgustingly, I put this on my blog to make that point. I do not wish to encourage excess drinking by making light of it.

Things hard to say

Innovative
Preliminary
Anesthetist
Cinnamon
Chrysanthemum

It is even harder to say Specificity

Rhipidistian-Amphibian Transition
Anti-constitutionalistically
Transubstantiate
Sphygmomanometer

Apparently it is impossible to say

Nope, no more booze for me.
Sorry, but you're not really my type.
Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
I'm not interested in fighting you.
Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I'd hate to look like a fool.
Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to throw up in the street.
I must be going home now as I have work in the morning.

Monday, October 16, 2017

Men are like...


Men are like...

... newborn babies. They're cute at first, but you get tired of picking up their rubbish.
... computers. Hard to figure out and never enough memory.
... coolers. Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
... chocolate bars. Sweet, smooth and they usually head right for your hips.
... remote controls. Simple. Easy to use. And usually lying around near a TV.
... shag carpets. Soft, fuzzy and extremely easy to walk on.
... vacuum cleaners. They're not much fun, but at least you get to push them around.
... road kill. They usually just lie around until they start to smell.
... soap operas. They're fun to watch, but don't believe everything you hear.
... pillows. Eventually, even the best ones get soft and lumpy.
... old car tires. Balding, full of hot air, and it never hurts to have a spare.
... plastic wrap. Cheap. Clingy. and very easy to see through.
... horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
... plungers. They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.

PS. Just as well I'm not like that.