Friday, May 31, 2013

Chinese Translation Into English

An article was published in the Economist in 2010, to the effect that the English language would eventually be replaced by translation technology tools, which would accurately translate indigenous languages to English: 

Chinese Travel Brochure

Getting There: Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The hotel bus runs along the lake and you will feel pleasure in passing water.You will know the hotel is near, because you will go round the bend.The manager will have intercourse with all new guests.

The Hotel: This is a family hotel, so adultery and children are welcome. Nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have their babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with himself.

Your Room: Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity. Please feel free to ring for the chambermaid and take advantage of her.

Hospitality: When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will struggle to forget it.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

The Reality Of Using Google Blogger

You may think when you come to this site, that everything runs smoothly. It's all about getting an article and pictures together, then hitting the button and there is a blog for you. Lately nothing could be further than the truth. Sometimes I cannot even save an article I write at this site. I have to save it to my computer and try to enter it another time when it may be in the mood to accept it. Uploading a picture is currently taking so much time, I often have to give up. It is staggering how incompetent Google are at running a site, it is that bad...I cannot even put pictures to this piece!!! (Just have 14.06.2013 wow).

What I am saying is if in future I cannot post articles when I want - and this site is deteriorating - I will move to another site where they can support writing blogs. I refuse to allow advertising on the blog, which means Google make no money out it and maybe they would be glad I was was gone. What I do say is I will try to let you know if I move, if this rank amateur site will let me. Hopefully Google can get its act together soon.

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Monday, May 20, 2013

Garden & Plant Ideas

Labelling idea for your herbs

Indoor irrigation made easy

Outdoor water feature

Use for old jeans

Friday, May 17, 2013

Saturday, May 11, 2013

The Stormy Night

A Dublin University student was on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm. The storm was so strong he could hardly see in front of him. 

Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped. John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door...only to realise there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on.

The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a bend approaching. Then, just before the car reached the bend, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the window and turned the wheel. John was paralysed with terror, but the hand never touched or harmed him.

Shortly thereafter John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience. A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realised he was crying and wasn't drunk.

Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the dark and stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath. Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other...'Look Paddy, there's that idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it!'

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

The Cunning Insult

Carrington Golf Club, New Zealand
A man was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him. The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome. 
They were even after the first few holes. The second man said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?" The first man said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms. The second man won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.

As they were walking off, the second guy was busy counting his $80.00. He confessed that he was the pro at a neighbouring course and liked to play suckers. The first fellow revealed that he was the Parish Priest.

The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money. The Priest said, "You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."

The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation......and, if you want to bring your mother and father along, I'll marry them!

Monday, May 6, 2013

It's Monday Again

I guess the boss will pop by to say hello and see how you are doing...

Saturday, May 4, 2013

The Scapegoat Wayne

A scapegoat is one made to bear the blame of others. In times past there were witch hunts, looking to blame someone for things that did not go well. Leaders of nations can use that to great effect to deflect criticism for their short comings. Mao Tse Tung did this during his disastrous reign.

How much better to reason on things and work to correct problems. That achieves something, whereas turning on someone doesn't. Otherwise, a terrible injustice is the result but the problem remains. We or another person could end up like Gary Larson's Wayne.

Thursday, May 2, 2013