Thursday, March 31, 2011

The Senility Prayer

Please grant me:

The senility to forget the people I never liked anyway.

The good fortune to run into the ones I do.

The eyesight to tell the difference.

Monday, March 28, 2011

The King James Version

The King James Version of the bible is four hundred years old this year. It is still used by millions of people around the world and for many viewed as the only Bible for the English speaker. I personally do not agree that it is the only Bible to use and to illustrate that, please read on.

The Model T Ford is a part of automotive history. At the time, it was a good automobile that brought transport to the masses. However, surely no one would want to buy one now. Cars have moved on and are better transport than before.
Likewise, the King James Bible is part of Bible translation history. At the time, it was a good translation that brought God's Word to the masses in the the English language. However, there are better English translations around now.
Today, ancient languages are better understood than they were in 1611. Also, more and older manuscripts of the Bible have been found since. What has been gleaned has been put into the new translations of today. So just as car making has improved, so has Bible translation.

Some feel that the KJ Version is inspired, so therefore irreplaceable. The original writings certainly were inspired but for a translation to be so, it would have to be without flaw. All God's works are indeed perfect. The KJ isn't flawless, as is the case with every translation. None of them are inspired of God in the way the original writings were. Even copies were not inspired, as mistakes have been found there also. The copyists did a marvelous job, as do Bible translators today, but only the writers were inspired.

The KJ Version deserves to be acknowledged for it's contribution in spreading the Word Of God. Still, there are so many better translations around today, so why not move on and use one of these? After all, who of us today drive a Model T?

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Union Rules

A dedicated union worker was attending a convention and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?"

"No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."

"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20," she answered.

Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionised shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why yes sir, this is a union house. We observe all union rules."

The man asked, "And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."

"That's more like it!" the union man said. He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde. "I'd like her," he said.

"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam. Then she gestured to a 92-year old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has 67 years seniority and according to union rules, she's next."

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Always Tell The Truth

A woman and her son were taking a cab in New York City. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under the awnings.

'Mommy,' said the little boy, 'what are all those ladies doing?'

'They're waiting for their husbands to get off of work,' she replied.

The cabbie turns around and says, 'Lady, why don't you tell him the truth? Their hookers. They have sex with men for money.'

The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, 'Is that true, mommy?'

His mother, glaring at the cabbie, answers in the affirmative.

After a few minutes, the kid asks, 'Mommy what happens to the babies those ladies have?'

'They become cab drivers,' she replied

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Sweet Talk

Man sitting at home on the verandah with his wife and she hears him say, "I love you."

She asks, "Is that you or the beer talking?"

He replies, "It's me............. talking to the beer."

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Things I've Learned

Being kind is more important than being right.

Sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

It is love, not time that heals all wounds.

When you harbour bitterness, happiness goes elsewhere.

One should keep his words soft and tender, lest they need to be eaten later.

A smile is an inexpensive way to improve ones looks.

If you have too much time on your hands, it is so easy to waste it.

To give advice only to those who seek it, and can accept the truth.

Monday, March 14, 2011

A Request

Friend, when you stray or sit or take your ease,
on moor, or fell or under spreading trees.

Pray, leave no traces of your wayside meal,
no paper bag, no scattered orange peel.

Nor daily journal littered on the grass,
others may view these with distaste and pass.

Let no one say, and say it to your shame,
that all was beauty here until you came.

Friday, March 11, 2011

A Morning Prayer

Dear God,

So far today I've done alright,
I haven't sworn, gossiped or lost my temper.
Nor have I been grumpy, nasty or selfish.

But in a few minutes Father,
I'm going to get out of bed and from then on
I'm probably goint to need some help.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

The Garden For Your Life

Plant three rows of peas:
Peas of mind, peas of heart, peas of soul.

Plant four rows of squash:
Squash gossip, squash indifference, squash grumbling, squash selfishness.

Plant four rows of lettuce:
Lettuce be faithful, lettuce be kind, lettuce be patient, lettuce love.

Now for turnips:
Turnip for dinner, turnip for prayer, turnip to help others.

We need thyme:
Thyme for each other, thyme for family, thyme for friends.

Water freely with patience and cultivate with love. Then you will reap what you sow.

Monday, March 7, 2011

A Short Course In Human Relationships

The six most important words:
"I admit I made a mistake".

The five most important words:
"You did a good job".

The four most important words:
"What is your opinion"?

The three most important words:
"If you please".

The two most important words:
"Thank you".

The one most important word:

The least most important word:


Saturday, March 5, 2011

The Report Card

'Mommy,' the little girl asks her mum, 'how old are you?'

'Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,' the mother replied. 'It's not polite.'

'OK', the little girl says, 'How much do you weigh?'

'Now really,' the mother says, 'those are personal questions and are really none of your business.'

Undaunted, the little girl asks, 'Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?'

'That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!'

'My Mom won't tell me anything about her,' the little girl says to her friend later.

'All you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it.' says the friend

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, 'I know how old you are, you are 32.'

The mother is surprised and asks, 'How did you find that out?

'I also know that you weigh 140 pounds.'

The mother is past surprised and shocked now. 'How in heaven's name did you find that out?'

'And,' the little girl says triumphantly, 'I know why you and daddy got a divorce.'

'Oh really?' the mother asks. 'Why?'

'Because you got an F in sex.'

Wednesday, March 2, 2011


First of all, a phobia is "an irrational, intense and persistent fear of certain situations, activities, things, animals, or people". So a homophobe is someone with an irrational, intense and persistent fear. That's a serious condition. It would produce intense unease, sweaty palms or general sweating, perhaps shaking and panicky feelings. So people who have phobias have a serious medical condition that can only be cured with professional assistance.

Secondly, to disagree with something means to differ; to dislike something means "a feeling of not liking". When people say they disagree with or dislike Gay (homosexual) lifestyles, they are called homophobes. Yet the words disagree or dislike do not have any connection with the word phobia.

So what have we got here? I see it as name calling to silence those who do not see things a certain way. No one wants to be associated with a condition that creates "irrational, intense and persistent fear". Name calling is common among children but not among mature adults. I believe that homosexuality is not normal nor natural. It is a sign of a decadent society. No, I do not have a phobia, but I am simply disagreeing with something. I also do not dislike people I disagree with and I do not dislike homosexuals, but rather their chosen lifestyle.

People disagree with me and my views of life from time to time. As long as it doesn't get personal, I am quite comfortable with that. I certainly will not resort to name calling. After all, that will not change what people think anyway.

I know that at times people who do not fit the 'norm' - as some see it - can become the victims of intolerance. That is unacceptable. However, to defend something by negatively labelling another who does not agree with you is being intolerant in return. That is also unacceptable.