Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Listen Carefully

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult, four hour surgical procedure. A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

She overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly raises his gown, lifts them and takes a close look, rolling them around in her hand. "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!!"

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but can you answer my question "A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?"

Somebody Do It Please

This is the story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.

There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did. Somebody got angry because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realised that Everybody wouldn't do it.

In the end, Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

Friday, January 22, 2010

What Goes Around Comes Around

One day a man saw an old lady, stranded on the side of the road, but even in the dim light of day, he could see she needed help. So he pulled up in front of her Mercedes and got out of his old car.
Even with the smile on his face, she was worried. Was he going to hurt her? He looked poor and hungry. He could see that she was frightened, standing out there in the cold.
He said, 'I'm here to help you, ma'am. Why don't you wait in the car where it's warm? By the way, my name is Bryan Anderson.'
Well, all she had was a flat tyre, but for an old lady, that was bad enough. As he was tightening up the lug nuts, she told him that she was only just passing through. She couldn't thank him enough for coming to her aid. She asked how much she owed him. Bryan never thought twice about being paid. He told her that if she really wanted to pay him back, the next time she saw someone who needed help, she could give that person the assistance they needed, and Bryan added, 'And think of me..'
It had been a cold and depressing day, but he felt good as he headed for home.

A few miles down the road the lady saw a small cafe and she went in to grab a bite to eat. The waitress came over and brought a clean towel to wipe her wet hair. She had a sweet smile, one that even being on her feet for the whole day couldn't erase. The lady noticed the waitress was nearly eight months pregnant, but she never let the strain and aches change her attitude. Then she remembered Bryan .
After the lady finished her meal, she paid with a hundred dollar bill.
The waitress quickly went to get change, but the old lady had slipped out the door. She was gone by the time the waitress came back. The waitress noticed something written on the napkin. It was: 'You don't owe me anything. I have been there too. Somebody helped me out, the way I'm helping you. If you really want to pay me back, here is what you do: Do not let this chain of love end with you.' Under the napkin were four more $100 bills.
That night when the waitress got home from work and climbed into bed. How could the lady have known how much she and her husband needed it? With the baby due next month, it was going to be hard. She knew how worried her husband was, and as he lay sleeping next to her, she gave him a soft kiss and whispered soft and low, 'Everything's going to be all right. I love you, Bryan Anderson.'

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Actual Church Bulletins

Thursday night-Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

For those who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Balzer, the sin of Rev and Mrs Balzar.

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptised at both ends.

Tuesday at 4pm there will be an ice creme social. All ladies giving milk please come early.

Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs Johnson will sing “Put me in my little bed” accompanied by the pastor.

Thursday at 5pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be “Little Mothers” will meet with the pastor in his study.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All who wish to do something on the carpet will come forward and do so.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?” Come early and listen to the choir practice.

Friday, January 15, 2010

California Quail

The native NZ quail became extinct in NZ in 1875, but we have three introduced varieties. The one I see repeatedly is the Californian type. The other day, one was trying to enter the house through the window. Perhaps the glass confused him. He was quite fat so I assume the nearby wild fruits had been taken full advantage of. I didn't get close or it would have taken to flight. The first photo was when he was trying to get in the house.

The second photo (below) was when he went to the fence between us and the neighbours and surveyed the garden.

They are a very common sight here when walking in reserve areas and behind our house which is reserve area too. Sometimes there is also Mumma Quail and a line of baby Quail. Daddy Quail is always taking the lead and very watchful of danger so photographing them is difficult. If I can one day, I will post them on a blog.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Big Brother Is Watching You

Today we can never be too careful. We may think no one is watching but cameras are now everywhere. The photo below is claimed to have been taken by Google Earth in Porto, Portugal. Someone presumably felt safe to take a swim in a public area nude...and got caught.
Tut tut.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

In Which Pigeonhole Are You?

Pigeonholing is a term used to describe processes that attempt to classify disparate entities into a small number of categories (usually, mutually exclusive ones).
People do it to others and even to themselves. It creates a feeling of identity, belonging.

I remember the Cher song Half Breed, about a half European, half American Indian girl lost between two races because she wasn't one or the other. The song starts: My father married a pure Cherokee, my mother's people were ashamed of me. The Indians said I was white by law, the White Man always called me "Indian Squaw". She finishes by singing: My life since then has been from man to man, but I can't run away from what I am.

That's the pigeonhole mentality. In reality, she would have taken one culture so that she would belong somewhere, married into it and then her descendants would disappear into that race. People apparently must be called something, not mixed. The funny thing is mixed race people do rather well in their chosen fields. Tiger Woods, Barack Obama, OJ Simpson and M Ali. How are they classified, as Black? They are all mixed race.

Constantly marrying into your own race in one village eventually produces the village idiot. It's not genetically sound. A mongrel dog is much healthier than a pedigree. So why seek racial purity? Mixed race people look attractive too (see pic below).

Michael Jackson, as I would imagine all 'Africans' in the Americas, have some European ancestry. However, he didn't seem comfortable in his own skin and seemed to try become whiter. Shame. Why not be happy with who we are?

If someone came to me and proved I was part 'something' in my ancestry, well whoopy do. It's interesting but I would still be the same, lovable guy (OK, I jest). I don't live in a pigeonhole, I am me, an individual living in a world of other individuals. Fly away from the pigeonhole and accept who you are, not in a pigeonhole but an individual, just like our Creator sees you. Acts 10:34-35(NIV) "I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism but accepts men from every nation who fear him and do what is right..

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Me first! Me first!

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'

'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' Puff! She's gone.

Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.' Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Cast Your Bread Upon The Waters...

In this world of shortsighted greed and selfishness, it would be easy to get down. However, if our lives have purpose, meaning and direction, then we will be happier. If our purpose, meaning and direction is more on doing for others than ourselves, then the happiness is enduring. Sometimes you see that some are just using your kindness, in which case you need to back off from such individuals. Find those that appreciate you and what you do for them. Giving is a two way street and when they can, appreciative receivers give back too. That is it says in the Bible: "Cast your bread upon the waters, for after many days you will find it again".

When we find happiness, then we need to appreciate what we have and enjoy the fruitage of selfless acts. Sharing laughter with one who cares is priceless...