Saturday, November 28, 2009

Lyrics I Felt - After The Lovin'

It used to be that you got to know someone, fell in love with them, you got engaged and then married. Then came sex. This the best way of course, as it is a secure arrangement to be in. When two people love each other and express those sentiments together physically, it leaves each one with a warm after glow.
However, in this world, love and sex have been twisted and warped. Now sex comes first, then maybe love and or pregnancy. This often does not lead to happiness for anyone, because without commitment or real caring for the other person it cannot be any other way.
The words of the song below are about the happiness and contentment that comes from someone deeply in love who, when they express it physically, are left with a good feeling afterward. It was by Engelbert Humperdinck, called After The Loving. In part:

So I sing you to sleep, after the lovin'
I brush back the hair from your eyes.
And the love on your face
Is so real that it makes me want to cry.

And I know that my song Isn't sayin' anything new.
Oh, but after the lovin' I'm still in love with you.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Russia vs Poland

A man lived on the Russian - Polish border, in fact right on it. The problem was the bureaucrats could not decide which country he lived in. After years of his being in political limbo, the powers that be made a remarkable decision. They decided to let the man himself say which country he wished to live in. So a representative from each country called at his modest home and put their proposal to him. Both the Russians and Poles thought he would choose their country. He was told he could think about it first, but he said he didn't need to as he knew the answer already. Poland was the country he wanted to live in.

As the men left, the Russian delegate turned and asked "Why did you choose Poland?"

The reply "I can't stand those Russian winters".

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

The Bucket With A Hole

A water bearer in India had two large buckets, one had a hole in it, while the other was perfect. At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the bucket with a hole arrived only half full but the perfect one always delivered a full portion of water.

Of course, the perfect bucket was proud of its accomplishments, but the holed bucket was miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do. So the bucket with a hole spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you. I have been able to deliver only half my load because I leak water all the way back to your house".

The water bearer replied "I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path. Every day as we walk back, you've watered them and I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house".

So everyone has something to offer.

Manly Jokes

Q. How many men does it take to open a beer?
A. None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Q. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
A. Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.


Q. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
A. The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.


Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Silly Crooks

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a line-up. When detectives asked each man in the line-up to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said.

In Louisiana, a man walked into a store, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, he pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.

In New York a female shopper exited a convenience store, when a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police had apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

The Booby Prize


In the Netherlands, a retired engineer booby-trapped his home with the intention of killing his estranged family, but died himself after inadvertently triggering one of his own devices. At first, police assumed that the 79-year-old had committed suicide, as he was found alone with a bullet wound in his neck. Then a detective missed a bullet by inches when he opened a booby trapped wooden chest. Police beat a hasty retreat from the property and called in military experts. They deciphered an enigmatic series of scribbled clues to locate 19 death traps in walls, ceilings, and household objects.

Police speculate that the notes were intended to assist his failing memory. Other traps included numerous concealed shotguns triggered by threads, and an exploding crate of beer set to detonate once a certain number of bottles were removed. It took three weeks to crack 19 of the 20 clues, and experts were forced to admit defeat on the final note: "The 12 Apostles are ready to work on the pebbles."

He was described by neighbours as a reserved but harmless man who enjoyed puttering in his garage. But relatives say he never forgave his wife for divorcing him twenty years before.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Thoughts To Ponder

DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.

ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.

IF YOU WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?", THAT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"

IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?

WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON, DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?

The Deaf Book Keeper

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his book keeper, Enzo, has cheated him out of 10 million bucks. His book keeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Enzo would hear nothing that he might have to testify about in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront Enzo about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the 10 million bucks is that he embezzled from me."

The lawyer, using sign language, asks Enzo where the money is.

Enzo signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Enzo's temple and says, "Ask him again!"

The lawyer signs to Enzo, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him.."

Enzo signs back, "OK. You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Bruno's backyard in Woodbridge!"

The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?" The lawyer replies, " He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Inner Peace....if

If we can start the day without caffeine,

If we can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If we can resist complaining and boring people with our troubles,

If we can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

If we can understand when our loved ones are too busy to give you any time,

If we can take criticism and blame without resentment,

If we can conquer tension without medical help,

If we can relax without liquor,

If we can sleep without the aid of drugs,

Then we would be perfect. I guess It's worth aiming for...

If we accept failure from time to time.