If Business Was Open & Transparent

What sort of things could we expect if this was the case?

Scenario 1: Phone calling a company and being put on hold.

Message: We are experiencing unusually high traffic volume at present.

Reality: I have rung different days and different times of the day and repeatedly got that message. It's more common than ever in NZ, maybe where you live too.

Corrected message: Your call is not important to us. We intentionally understaff our phone service to save money and also in the hope you just go away and stop bothering us.

Or they could just say: Please hold the line until someone is available.

Summary: I'm sure the reasons for repeated long waits could be many but if it becomes a constant feature, either they cannot find enough staff or are choosing not to. An honest or even a general message would reduce my suspicion.

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Scenario 2: A disgruntled customer goes to a TV consumer protection programme.

Problem: After months of getting the run around, despite having a genuine grievance, has had no success.

Reality: The company is only interested in selling. The culture of their business is total disinterest in fixing problems. 

When the programme gets involved: We are so sorry this has happened. We are committed to sorting out problems promptly. We will address this particular case and implement a retraining programme to make sure staff understand our values on this issue.

Summary: Any well run company never has this sort of issue. The fact management is 'shocked' is either they haven't been bothered to make sure the staff are handling problems or they are being disingenuous.

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Scenario 3: An investment company is in deep trouble and realises its days or weeks away from going into receivership. 

Reaction: It keeps up an appearance of success and readily accepts more investment despite knowing these last investors will suffer greatly. 

Corrected course: Accept the game is up and stop accepting any more investments. 

Summary: It wouldn't be considered good business practice to be concerned with people possibly losing their life savings. My conscience wouldn't allow me to. 

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There would be so many other situations where honesty in business which may come in future installments. If you can think of any, drop a comment here. You don't need to join to comment.

I Don't Think So!

I was thinking of applying for a card that gave me a discount on a certain product. I went along to the website to check it out and if satisfied, sign up. When I got there I was horrified.

The card was so large, it had to be carried in two hands. I would struggle to get in in the car. What's wrong with a card that fits in the wallet like all the other cards? I can't imagine it being popular, being upsized as it is. I thought to myself "I don't think so".

Behind the smile is frustration

A Dry Cleaning Business Gone

When a dry cleaning business suffers a fire, there are so many people affected. It will have clothing, drapes, bedding and even wedding dresses perhaps that are affected. So many issues to iron out for a multitude of persons. Ironically the shop next door was named 'Blackmore'. It certainly lived up to its name. The dry cleaning business owner will just put it behind them, press on and rebuild.

The Irish Farmer & Bessie

A farmer named Seamus had a car accident. In court, the lorry company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Seamus. "Didn't you say to the police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?'" asked the solicitor.

 
Seamus responded: "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favourite cow, Bessie, into the..."

"I didn't ask for any details", the solicitor interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"

Seamus said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road...."

The solicitor interrupted again and said, "Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Seamus's answer and said to the solicitor "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie".

Seamus thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favourite cow, into the trailer and was driving her down the road when this huge lorry and trailer came through a stop sign and hit my trailer right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other.

I was hurt and I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. 

Then the policeman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feeling? Now what would you say?"

Misplaced Values

I keep seeing this picture around the Internet with a supposedly fascinating headline. I simply see it as a man who's values are misplaced. Why would someone without a home buy a supercar? A poor decision!

Any rational thinking would place many things above this sort of choice. It was probably this kind of confused thinking that got him homeless in the first place. I haven't visited the site because its just too ridiculous to interest me. He looks unhappy as well.  Does he now realise his folly?

Exaggerated Job Descriptions

What do you think of these job descriptions?

1) Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminium & steel

2) Director of first impressions.

3) Assembler and demonstrator of modular systems.

4) Media distribution officer.

5) Colour distribution technician.

6) Road environmental hygienist

7) Transparency enhancement facilitator.

8) Sanitation engineer.

9) Mobile sustenance facilitator.

10) Communication executive.

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Now for the real job description:

1) Washing dishes.

2) Receptionist.

3) Vacuum cleaner salesman.

4) Paperboy.

5) Painter

6) Street sweeper.

7) Window washer.

8) Refuse collector.

9) Food truck worker.

10) Call center worker.

Insuring A Wooden Leg

A man in the UK had a wooden leg and they went to an insurance agent to insure it. The cost was £200 a year! He and his wife thought that far too expensive and decided not to bother.

Later, they moved to Ireland to live and they again went to an insurance agency to see how much it would cost to insure the wooden leg there. The agent looked it up on the computer and said to the couple '£39.'

The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap in Ireland to insure, because it would have cost him £200 in England! 

The agent turned his assessment book around to face the couple and said, 'Well, notice it says "Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system over it, is £39.00".

Ikea Cartoons

There Are Robbers & There Are Robbers

Robbers entered a bank in and one of them shouted: "Don't move! The money belongs to the bank. Your lives belong to you.” Immediately all the people in the bank laid on the floor quietly and without panic.

This is an example of how the correct wording of a sentence can make everyone change their view of the world. 

While running from the bank the youngest robber (who had a college degree) said to the oldest robber (who had barely finished elementary school): "Hey, maybe we should count how much we stole?"

The older man replied: "Don’t be stupid. It's a lot of money so let's wait for the news on TV to find out how much money was taken from the bank."

This is an example of how life experience is more important than a degree. 

After the robbery, the manager of the bank said to his accountant: "Let's call the police and tell them how much has been stolen."

"Wait”, said the Accountant, "before we do that, let's add that money we took for ourselves over the past few months and also add in any other problems and just say that it was stolen as part of today’s robbery."

This is an example of taking advantage of an opportunity. 

The following day it was reported in the news that the bank was robbed of $3 million. The robbers then counted the money, but they found only $1 million so they started to grumble. "We risked our lives for $1 million, while someone in the bank robbed two million dollars?"

This is an example of how corporate robbery is more discreet and that it pays better too.

Advertising : Part 6 / Sexism

Failed Employment

I tried my hand at window repair but it proved to be a pain.

Then replacing rubber on cars, but to be honest it was tiresome.

I became a machinist making clothes and I thought I was good, but my boss showed me the door. He kept calling me a sew and sew.

I then decided perhaps a suit tailor was my vocation but soon found out it just didn't fit. I guess I wasn't cut out for it.

I then decided an architect was the way to go but my work was anything but top drawer.

I thought plumbing, but with that I wasn't flushed with success. As my boss said I 'plumbed the depths' on that one. It was a pipe dream but it actually left me feeling drained.

He said building could be my thing and I did try, but I just couldn't nail it.

House cleaning was recommended next and I hated it. I was sucked into that one. However I soon left and dusted myself off.

I thought about the army but remembered my dad's words "Do what you promise and never be a gunna".

Then I became a carpet installer but it simply floored me.

So I am at a loss as to what to do next.

Bamboo Pillows

In NZ, they sell bamboo pillows through television and home shows. We went to the latter and came out with two of them. Neither my wife nor I can get comfortable with them. We wake up with more discomfort than from other pillows. I find I push all the foam to the sides and wake up with my head flat on the bed. My wife doesn't have that problem but still feels it doesn't shape to a comfortable height. It is the sort of product that either works for you or doesn't, but not for us at all.

The fact is the name is misleading. Only the pillowcase has some bamboo in it, none in the filling at all. What's inside it is a mixture of memory and ordinary foam (see pic below). They do state the composition but calling it a bambillo pillow - as they do in NZ - gave me a different picture of what it is.

Having said that, firstly we wanted a good nights sleep. For us a fail. Secondly we all like value for money and I have to say the $60 price for each gave me the feeling this is overpriced. That is my perception and I would be curious as to how much they cost to make.

Reviews I have since read seem to have about a third of users very happy and two thirds very unhappy. If they come your way, be aware they may or may not do it for you.

A photo of the foam that is inside the pillows we got. Surprising 

Advertising : Part 5 / Sexism

Back for more of the not very PC world of sexist adverts from a generation ago. These one start with a shopping hint, then a few around the house and finally a couple of car makers get into the sexist spirit.

Advertising : Part 4 / Social Changes

How a word has changed! Attitudes to weight, guns, sex and femininity are so different. The gun one may still be acceptable in some places, but not PC in most countries.

 

Advertising : Part 3 / Children

The commercial world had no qualms about bringing children into advertising. How they did this way either because of ignorance or amorality.

Brawn Can Count (for tradesmen)

I knew two brother-in-laws who were both tradesmen yet very different in size. The smaller man was 5'7" and average build while the other was 6'5" and when he stood in a doorway, he filled it. He wasn't fat, he was just muscle. They had a conversation about customers who were slow to pay.

Small tradesman: "It's so difficult getting money from some people. I go to their home and ask to be paid and they give all sorts of excuses assuring me. Yet nothing usually happens and another visit and more excuses.

Large tradesman (with a surprised voice): "I don't have any problem. I knock on the door and just say I want my money. They simply pay up."

Sometimes brawn has it's advantages.

Advertising : Part 2 / Sexism

A good way to see how times have changed in a generation is to look at older advertisements. it's hard to believe that a generation ago thought this was fine! It goes to show that the culture you are brought up in can have a powerful influence on our thinking.

Advertising : Part 1 / Cigarettes

A good way to see how times have changed in a generation is to look at older advertisements. Cigarettes were once sophisticated and trendy, promoted by doctors, actors good looking people, children and even the bringer of gifts!

How the tobacco industry did this was clever but heinous. Now cigarettes are promoted as dirty and dangerous, which is what they really are. All in one generation.