Seeing Is Believing?

Rob is talking to Mike, his neighbour. They are sitting and having a beer and the conversation goes a little deeper. 

Rob: I know you have a religious faith Mike, but how can you believe in things you can't see? 
Mike: We all believe in things we can't see, such as the wind. We feel its effects.
Rob: I can't relate the wind to a faith in God.
Mike pauses: Well, suppose you came home and you noticed your front door was wide open. You know you didn't leave it like that. You run into the house and you see items scattered over the floor. Cabinets have been rifled through and some expensive ornaments are missing. The same scenes all over the house. What do you conclude?
Rob: Obviously, I've been burgled.
Mike: But did you see the burglar or burglars?
Rob: No, but it's clear they were there. Their handiwork is right in front of me.....Oh I see where you're going with this.
Mike: God's handiwork is plain to see. It's all around us. This amazing world and our existence can't have just happened without intelligent input.
Rob: Well, something to think about, I guess.  

Where Did These Things Come From?

See if you can identify who originated these.

Traitor: One who betrays a friend or belief. It describes someone who violates a fundamental trust or allegiance. 

Application: The one who went against his loving Maker and became a rebel. 

Influencer: Due to perceived authority, they hold the power to influence the opinions and behavior of others.

Application: Convinced one of the first two humans that joining the rebellion was beneficial.

Fake News: False or misleading information presented as legitimate, intentionally created to deceive others for personal gain. 

Application: The promise of a better life for the listener proved to be quite the opposite. So too, the assurance that death would not result. This fake news only benefited the one behind it. 

Summary: Today, the same deceptions are coming from that first traitor and people are still being deceived. It's being done subtly and for many, imperceptibly. Why change a successful strategy? But do we have to be deceived? 

Did you work out who was the originator of these things? Not too hard a quiz, but the import is worth reflecting on. 

Note: Influencers today may or may not be beneficial. 

A Conversation After Resurrection

SYLVIA: Hi! Wanda.

WANDA: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?

SYLVIA: I froze to death.

WANDA: How horrible!

SYLVIA: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

WANDA: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating,
so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

SYLVIA: So, what happened?

WANDA: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

SYLVIA: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer....we'd both still be alive.

Zen Teachings

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow.. In fact, just push off and leave me alone.

No one is listening....until you pass wind.

Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Some days you are the dog, other days you are the tree.

Good judgment comes from bad experience .... and most of that comes from bad judgment.

There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.

We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our rear end - then things just keep getting worse.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A journey of a thousand miles starts with a prod on the accelerator.

There Are Nun So Blind

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, with a warning from the Mother Superior not to get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about this, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint naked...

In the middle of the project, there's a knock at the door. "Who is it?" calls one of the nuns.

"Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door.

The two nuns look at each other and shrug, both deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room. They open the door.

"Nice boobs," says the man. "Where do you want the blinds?"

Easily Done

You could see how it could happen....

Dead Giveaway

A father put his young daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying, "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and goodbye Grandpa.”

The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?' The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."

The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, "God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma."

The next day the grandmother died. The father was now feeling uneasy about the whole thing as you could imagine.


Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and goodbye Daddy."

He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous all day as he watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late. What's the matter?" He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I just had the worst day of my life."

She said, "You think you had a bad day? You'll never believe what happened to me. This morning the mailman dropped dead on our porch!"

Wisdom For The Nuns

In a convent, the 98-year-old Mother Superior lay dying. The Nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They tried giving her warm milk to drink but she refused it. One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Then, remembering a bottle of whisky, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior's bed, they held the glass of warm milk to her lips. The frail Nun drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had finished the whole glass down to the last drop. As her eyes brightened, the nuns thought it would be a good opportunity to have one last talk with their spiritual leader.

"Mother," the nuns asked earnestly, "Please give us some of your wisdom before you leave us"

She raised herself up in bed on one elbow, looked at them and said: "DON'T SELL THAT COW!!"

Overly Helpful Usher

An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps. "Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely.

"The front row, please," she answered.

"You really don't want to do that," the usher said. "The pastor is really boring."

"Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired.

"No," he said.

"I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.

"Do you know who I am?" he asked.

"No," she said.

"Good," he answered.

The Golden Phone

A photographer on vacation was inside a church in Brisbane, Australia taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read '$10 per call'.

Being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10 you could talk to God.


He thanked the priest and went along his way. Next stop was in Sydney, Australia. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Brisbane and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10 he could talk to God. He then traveled to Melbourne, Australia, and again saw the same golden telephone with the same '$10 per call' sign under it.

Upon leaving Australia he decided to travel to New Zealand and in the first church he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read '10 cents per call.' He was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. 'Father, I've traveled all over Australia and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but it was $10 per call. Why is it so cheap here?'

The priest smiled and answered, 'You're in New Zealand now, my son ... it's a local call.'

PS. Of course we can speak to God from anywhere, 24/7, and gratis. 

Silent Wind In Church

Bill and Mary were enjoying the Chapel service but about half way through the sermon, Mary let her mind wander. Inadvertently she let out some wind. Concerned of the unpleasant consequence, Mary took a pen and paper out of her purse, and wrote a note and handed it to Bill.

The note said:" I just let out some silent wind, what do you think I should do?"

Bill scribbled back: "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

The Religious Horse

A man went to purchase a horse from a religious man. The reason why that was important was how the horse was trained. Before the man left with his horse, he was told that the only way the horse would run was by calling 'holy smoke' and it would not stop unless it heard 'hell's bells'. The seller did warn the new owner the horse was a challenge to ride.

The man took it home and couldn't wait to give his new mount a ride. He called out "Holy smoke" and the horse bolted. It ran so fast the man struggled to control it, despite being a very capable rider. Up ahead loomed a sheer cliff and the horse charged toward it. With all that was going on, he forgot what to say to stop it.

As the precipice drew close, the new owner frantically racked his brain for the essential phrase. Just when it seemed too late, he recalled it and shouted "Hell's bells". The horse screeched to a halt, and the wayward steed's front hoofs came to rest right on the edge of the cliff. The man leaned forward, then fell back in the saddle with fright. He sat slumped, and in a relieved tone muttered "Holy smoke".

Religious Jokes

Careful What You Put On Facebook

Technology In The Confessional

Keep Healthy And Live Longer....Well Maybe Not

Tony and Yvonne were 85 years old and they were both in very good health, largely due to Yvonne's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.


One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven. They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet. They gasped in astonishment when he said, 'Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.'


Tony asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.

'Why, nothing,' Peter replied, 'remember, this is your reward in Heaven.'

Tony looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth. 'What are the greens fees?,' grumbled Tony.

'This is heaven,' St. Peter replied. 'You can play for free, every day.'

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch. 'Don't even ask,' said St. Peter to Tony. 'This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy'.

Tony looked around and nervously asked Yvonne 'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods and the decaffeinated tea?'

'That's the best part,' St. Peter replied. 'You can eat and drink as much as you like and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!'

'No gym to work out at?' said Tony

'Not unless you want to,' was the answer.

'No testing my sugar or blood pressure or...'

'Never again'

Tony glared at Yvonne and said, 'You and your Bran Flakes. We could have been here ten years ago!'

A Cowboy At The Pearly Gates

A cowboy appeared before St Peter at the Pearly Gates. "Have you ever done something of merit?" the cowboy was asked.

"Well I can think of one thing". he replied. "I came across a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I suggested they leave her alone, but they refused to listen. So I approached the biggest, meanest of them and hit him as hard as I could. After that I kicked his bike over. I then said anyone else feeling lucky?"

St Peter was surprised and asked "When did this happen?"

"Couple of minutes ago."

The Cunning Insult

Carrington Golf Club, New Zealand

A man was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him. The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome. 

They were even after the first few holes. The second man said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?" The first man said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms. The second man won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.

As they were walking off, the second guy was busy counting his $80.00. He confessed that he was the pro at a neighbouring course and liked to play suckers. The first fellow revealed that he was the Parish Priest.

The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money. The Priest said, "You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."

The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation......and, if you want to bring your mother and father along, I'll marry them!

Harden Up!

The Pope's New Title