Musings

A look can say more than words.

Humility is not a weakness but a strength that is well worth mastering. 

Saving isn't about how much you earn, but what you don't spend.

Empathetic listening requires more than just hearing what is said; it also involves feeling what is said. 

We can be so impatient to arrive at a destination that we fail to enjoy the journey.

Tolerance isn't agreeing, but rather accepting someone else's right to think and act differently.

Never underestimate hope. It helps us cope with trials and uncertainty with positivity.

A plan only becomes useful when it's executed sucessfully.

It's one thing to be self-confident but quite another to be egotistical. A line not to be crossed. 

Getting angry is a reaction. Remaining angry is a choice.

Double Meanings

A food critic didn't like the fried fish at a local restaurant. She panned it. 

I don't like laying on the bed. I just feel so flat.

Our neighbour's cat randomly came running into our house and tripped me up. I was floored. 

We bought a wildcat skin rug for our lounge. I now have something to lie on. 

A group of us went to a traditional Chinese Restaurant. No one offered to pay, so I had to fork out.

Our first course at a French restaurant was served on tray. 

I enjoy having a TV dinner listening to the radio.

Two female inpersonators went to a racetrack to participate. They had a drag race. 

I climbed to the top of a mountain and I'm scared of heights but I couldn't resist a peek.

So Obvious

Marrying a beautiful woman has a nice ring to it. 

If you work in sewage and it all goes wrong, there's always a stink. 

A very sharp knife is always made with cutting edge technology.

Never eat chicken if it smells foul.

The butcher sold me some tough meat, and I'm still stewing over it. 

I was dancing alone and then someone reminded me that it takes two to tango.

Metaphors?

Library books are on borrowed time.

Alpine snow is on slippery ground.

In springtime, skaters are on thin ice. 

The undertaker was buried under his workload.

Crochet knitters get hooked.

Dieting is never a piece of cake. 

Soccer players have a ball.

My grater has gone somewhere. 

The crafty dairy farmer was known for milking it. 

The haberdashery store needed stocking. 

The dentist was known for giving his patients the needle.

Feathers tickle my fancy.

The customer got a shock from the power bill.

The homeless man fell into a quarry and hit rock bottom.

So True

Happiness can't be bought.

Negative thoughts help no one.

Theory can only teach you so much.

Every grave stone is about a life untold.

He who speaks too much forgets his listener. 

We need to love ourselves, but not too much.

Good ideas will not be appreciated by everyone. 

The best leaders are always open to suggestions.

The simple things are missed most when they are lost.

Kindness, even in the face of hostility, is the best response. 

If you do drink, red wine - taken in moderation - is hard to beat.

Odd Things To Say

Sometimes we use sayings that are hard to fathom if you think about them.

"Whatever floats your boat".

That would have to be water. 

"I owe you an apology".

They still owe you an apology. If someone said "I owe you $100" then walked off, then they still owed you $100.  

"All is fair in love and war".

In love treating someone fairly is always the right thing and there is nothing fair about going to war.

"Bury the hatchet".

Why not not just put it in the shed. It's still useful.

"Cold hands, warm heart".

All living humans have a warm heart. Hands have nothing to do with it. 

"Kill two birds with one stone".

I'd like to see someone do that.

"Seeing is believing".

Sometimes we need to believe when we haven't seen, to put faith in something or someone.

"There is no such thing as a free lunch".

That depends on who's paying. 

Picture: Reader Built Boats

Maths & Stats

Abbreviations are part of language. Longer words are made quicker and easier to say. I assume that's why people do it. For example, statistics is fairly consistently pronounced stats although I have seen stat, for example when saying "That's an interesting stat" or using it when referring to a stat sheet. 

Mathematics is treated differently. In most English language countries the term maths is used but in North America and increasingly elsewhere -  when English is being taken over by US culture - math. You may wonder if it's important. If you grow up hearing a word pronounced a certain way and someone says it differently, it can sound grating. I find math grating to my ear. 

Regardless of my ear, one may debate why one way is better or another, yet others may say either is OK. For me just as statistics should be abbreviated to stats and statistic should be stat, mathematics should be maths. Mathematic is rare but if abbreviated, would be math. 

                                      It's a small point and I assume many don't care either way. If you want to know more I suggest you do some research. In other words, do the maths. Ah, that sounds nice.

Picture source here.

Homonyms

Homonyms: Words that have the same spelling and pronunciation, but different meanings. Not all fall into that category here but whatever.

Mozart was feeling out of sorts, but then he composed himself.

The minister's wife loved her pasta.

They wanted a jetty because their beautiful seaside town was without peer.

The rock group was so loud they were banned.

The businessman never courted his secretary because she wasn't his type.

The surfer fell off his board when the pretty girl gave him a wave. 

He fixed it in just 60 seconds because it was only a minute problem.

He hated sweeping up the driveway in autumn so decided to leave it.

The hunter felt that unsuccessfully searching for pigs was such a bore. 

The pensioner regularly caught the bus as the ticket price was fair.

The medieval fancy dress party was a great night out.

News Headlines

Dietary advice:

"Can Beetroot make you run faster?"

If you need a laxative, no harm in giving it a try.

                                         *******

After a crocodile attack: 

"I was very lucky"

An understatement to say the least.

                                         *******

Covid contact:

"PM sorry for clubbing after Covid contact"

 There is no justification for assault.

                                         *******

At a safety meeting:

"Safety meeting ends in accident"

Pay attention at meetings!

                                         *******

Cricket match headline:

"India beat India by seven wickets"

Beating yourself is no mean feat.

                                         *******

A Mayor told the homeless:

"Go home"

I think they would if they could.

                                         *******

Disgruntled murderer:

"...detective ruined my reputation"

And you didn't ruin it yourself?

                                         *******

Tennis news:

“Are we saying goodbye to the GOATS at Wimbledon?” 

I thought the grass was mown, not nibbled. 

Interpreting What Is Said

People say things but what do they really mean? First, the setting (bold type), then what is said and finally (in italics) what they are really feeling.

Talking on the phone:

"I'll let you go".

I want to finish this conversation but I'll make it sound like that's what you want.

After you tell someone something you are about to do:

"That's very brave"

Are you seriously considering that? 

After you make a suggestion:

"I'll bear that in mind".

They are trying to sound open to the suggestion but have already decided against it and don't wish to discuss it. 

When invited to go somewhere:

"I might join you later"

They wish to appear like they want to come but are not keen at all.

Two ladies conversing at a swish party: 

"What a lovely dress you're wearing".

Why do you have to look so darned gorgeous?

A rarely seen friend suddenly turns up at your home: 

"What do you think of my new car?"

I love to show off and make everyone else feel green with envy.

During a conversation:

"You must come to dinner sometime".

I have no intention of ever specifically inviting you but want to give the impression I do.

Contrasting Statements

Campaigns raise awareness. Education reaches the heart. 

There is no such thing as bad weather. There is inadequate clothing. 

I do not agree with your opinion. I will defend your right to have it. 

Our upbringing may not have been ideal. We can be the circuit breaker. 

We may be unhappy inside. Let's not make it another person's problem.

We may look longingly at the past. Remember, our memory is selective. 

Questions About Countries - Part 2

1) Would I need insect repellent in Laos?

2) Do they get enough to eat in Hungary?

3) Do they chew things over in Norway?

4) Are they fit in Iran?

5) Are people nutty in Brazil?

6) Is there a lot of grass in Greenland?

7) Are people known to patiently queue in Kuwait?

8) What do people wear in the Jersey Islands?

9) Are people prudish in the Virgin Islands?

10) What do they cook with in Greece?

Questions About Countries - Part 1

1) What sort of reception do tourists get in Chile?

2) Are chamber pots popular in Poland?

3) Do people take their mothers on holiday to Myanmar?

4) What's the favourite musical instrument in Qatar?

5) Do people move around quickly in Russia?

6) Are things well organised in the Marshall Islands?

7) Are people easily angered in Ireland?

8) Are they plenty of sharks in the waters around Finland?

9) What's the favourite bird in Turkey?

10) Are there many chefs in the Cook Islands?

Book Exchange

Here's a book exchange with a nice theme to it. The book holder is placed on a front fence on the roadside. People can bring along and/or take away a book(s) without charge. It's a positive initiative.

Puns

I went fishing with Rod and Annette.

I went into a car dealer and the salesman said: "Take a SEAT".

A work colleague always had a telephone to his ear to make the boss think he was busy, but there was no one on the line. What a phoney?

I go nuts over cashews.

I was talking to an expert about insect nests. His name was Anthony Hill. He said, "Just call me Ant Hill".

A gymnastics instructor provided a schedule for all his pupils. When one objected, he replied it was important to be flexible.

I am very good as a lifeguard at the swimming pool. I fact, the boss says I've really made a splash.

At work, we always agree with each other. When we decided to carpool, we were in one Accord.

At a meeting, we were invited to stand if we were able. So I remained seated, although funnily, everyone else seemed to have the name Abel.

Spelling Blunders

Sometimes spell check doesn't work because the wrong word typed is a legitimate word. It can be embarrassing. Here are a few examples.

On a job application to a boss who is vertically challenged:

"Look forward to hearing from you shorty" (shortly).

Writing to someone known to grovel to important people:

"I hope your meeting with the visiting CEO goes well toady" (today).

Communicating with a well-endowed woman:

"I understand you are really busty" (busy).

To a heavy person:

"I expect a prompt reply as you are known to be fat" (fast).

A note to a man named Raymond:

"May I call you Rat?" (Ray).

Finally a message on the computer:

Games & Puzzles

I found the cryptic clues were making me say cross words.

The board game, on the other hand, was so much fun, it was monopolising my time.

I opened up a challenging jigsaw but it soon had me puzzled.

My partner in cards wasn't very good and I wanted to tell her, but I didn't have a heart to do so.

I was enjoying musical chairs but there was something wrong with the mp3 player as it kept stopping. Never quite enough chairs either.

Crazy Labels

On dessert packaging (printed on bottom) "Do not turn upside down"

On peanuts "Warning: contains nuts."

On child cough medicine "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication"

On pudding label "Product will be hot after heating"

On a hairdryer "Do not use while sleeping"

On a bag of Fritos "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside"

On a frozen dinner "Serving suggestion: Defrost"

On packaging for an electric iron "Do not iron clothes on body"

On a Sleep Aid "Warning: May cause drowsiness"

On Christmas lights "For indoor or outdoor use only"

On a Japanese food processor "Not to be used for the other use"

On a packet of nuts "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts"

On an assorted chocolate box "Contains nuts and/or other nuts"

Christopher Robin

My mother used to recite this poem and she did so often. When done softly and with feeling, it is fascinating. Mum used to say it to me when I was in bed and about to go to sleep.

Little boy kneels at the foot of the bed, 
Droops on his little hands, little gold head. 
Hush, hush, whisper. Who dares? 
Christopher Robin is saying his prayers.

"God bless Mummy, I know that's right, 
And wasn't it fun in the bath tonight, 
the cold's so cold and the hot's so hot. 
God bless Daddy, I quite forgot. 

If I open my eyes just a little bit more 
I can see Nanny's dressing-gown on the door, 
It's a beautiful blue but it hasn't got a hood, 
God bless Nanny and make her good. 

Mine has a hood and when I lie in bed 
I can pull the hood right over my head, 
I shut my eyes and I curl up small 
And nobody knows that I'm there at all. 

Thank you God, for a lovely day, 
And what was the other I wanted to say? 
I said, 'Bless Daddy', so what could it be? 
Now I remember: God bless me". 

Little boy kneels at the foot of the bed, 
Droops on his little hands, little gold head. 
Hush, hush, whisper. Who dares? 
Christopher Robin is saying his prayers.

My Upbringing Affected Me

Parents can have a profound effect on their children. It's a serious subject but in this instance, it will take a light hearted turn. If some of the things were were told as children were taken literally, it would be confusing, frustrating or even lead us in the wrong direction.

For example, my mother always seem to know what I was doing, even if she didn't seem to be looking. She said it was because "I have eyes in the back of my head". I used to look but the long hair meant I couldn't see them. I'm glad I didn't take after her in that way because I wouldn't want eyes there.

If I was being scolded but found it amusing, I was told to "Wipe that smile off your face". Now I have my features pushed to one side with all the wiping.

Mum used to wonder why my school grades were so poor. If only she realised it was her own fault. She kept telling me "Don't you be smart".

I was also told at times to "You had better pull your socks up!" I found that so frustrating because I wouldn't even be wearing long socks!

Another annoyance was when mum would say "Two can play at that game". The thing is I wasn't playing a game at the time and we didn't end up playing one either.

If I was crying in a whinging way one of my parents would say "Stop your crying or I will give you something to cry about". I already had something to cry about. I didn't need another reason!

I went out with a lovely young lady but I found out she had an unusual nickname 'Trouble'. For that reason I didn't go out with her again. How did mum know that I was going to meet a girl with that name? She would often say "Now don't you go courting trouble".