Thursday, February 23, 2012

Paperback Book 'Understanding Women'

The book "Understanding Women" is now out in paperback.

Winter Blonde

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

Shaking his head, he replies "My name is Mark, it's winter, and I'm driving the salt truck!"

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Sad But True

I wish I didn't have to write this. What is happening to young people, but especially young women in the West?

Recently in England a group of young men were getting under aged girls into sex.

In New Zealand, it is not uncommon for female youths to get so drunk over the weekend, that they do not know if they had sex or not.

Then this appeared on the the news tonight. In Australia and New Zealand, after a night of drinking some intoxicated young women offer sex to the taxi cab driver instead of paying, because they say they haven't the money to get home.

I remember a young man in the town I live seeing a group of inebriated young women walking down the road. One fell into the gutter and the others went on and left her there. He got his car, found out where she lived and took her home. The parents came out of the house and accused him of doing this to their daughter. He made a swift departure, promising never to be a Good Samaritan again.

The point - in an otherwise light and humourous blog - is that it distresses me to see the moral degradation going on. Where are the parents? Were they too busy to actually teach their children anything? Or did you give up on them?

If any parents read this, start acting like parents. For young people, don't think sex and/or getting drunk is just a fun thing. It turns you into a very cheap individual. To law makers who have been undermining parental authority, you are making a big mistake.

What a sad indictment of society.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Wine Brand To Insult

A woman with - shall we say - a fuller figure invites you to dinner. You decide to take along a bottle of wine. Nice idea...well not if it is this brand of wine.

She may think you are having a laugh at her expense. Or dropping a not too subtle hint.

Either way, you would take another brand, wouldn't you.

It makes me wonder what they were thinking when they thought of it.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Marriage Jokes

Wife: 'What are you doing?'
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'
Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.'

Wife: 'Do you want dinner?'
Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'
Wife: 'Yes or no.'

Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'
Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'
Girl:'We'll that's because we aren't married yet.'

Son: 'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a beautiful young lady.'
Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'
Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'

A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'

A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humour!'


Friday, February 3, 2012

The Barber's Ball

An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut, but he tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age. The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.

When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had swallowed the little ball.

The barber replied, "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."


Sorry Honey...Love You

Hi Sweetheart,

I am sorry about getting into an argument about putting up the Christmas lights. I guess that sometimes I feel like you are pushing me too hard when you want something.

I realize that I was wrong and I am apologizing for being such a hard-headed guy. All I want is for you to be happy and be able to enjoy the holiday season. Nothing brightens the Christmas spirit like Christmas lights!

I took the time to hang the lights for you today and now I will be off with the guys to go fishing.

Again, I am very sorry for the way I acted yesterday.

I'll be home later.

Love you……;

Hi Honey,

Thank you for that heart-felt apology. I don't often get an apology from you, and I truly appreciate it.

I, too, felt bad about the argument and wanted to apologize. I realize that I can sometimes be a little pushy. I will try to respect your feelings from now on.

Thank you for taking the time to hang the Christmas lights for me. It really means a lot.

In the spirit of giving, I washed your truck for you and now I am off to the mall.

I love you too!

Thursday, February 2, 2012

C4N YOU R34D 7H15?

Do you understand this:

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How about this:

7H15 M3554G3 53RV35 7O PR0V3 H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N

D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5! 1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5! 1N 7H3

B3G1NN1NG 17 WA5 H4RD BU7 N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3 Y0UR

M1ND 1S R34D1NG 17 4U70M471C4LLY W17H 0U7 3V3N

7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17, 0NLY C3R741N P30PL3 C4N R3AD 7H15.

If It Wasn't For My Money...

John and Roberta were touring their brand new house. It was a house that Roberta had paid for with her money, a fact of which she constantly reminded John. In each room of the house she said: "John, if it were not for my money, we would not be here." John didn't say a word.

That afternoon a truck delivered a load of new furniture which Roberta paid for with her money. After the furniture was in its place, they toured the house again. As they
observed each room, beautifully appointed and magnificently decorated, Roberta reminded her husband: "John, if it were not for my money, this furniture would not be here." Again, John was silent.

Late in the afternoon another truck came with a special piece of furniture which was to be the focal point of the family room. It was a combination stereo-television-computer center all wrapped into one gorgeous piece of furniture. Roberta paid for it with her money. When it was in place, Roberta again said: "John, if it were not for my money, that beautiful electronics system would not be here."

Finally, John spoke: "Honey, I don't want to make you feel bad, but...if it were not for your money, I wouldn't be here either!"

Tui Billboard Adverts: Part 2

You need to know NZ politics for the next one...

Random Photos

A cactus flower in our backyard.

Night sky from our driveway.
A rainbow at a vineyard nearby.