Wednesday, February 24, 2010

I Can’t Remember!

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things, so they decide to go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. His wife asks, "Will you get me a bowl of icecream?"


"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.

"No, I can remember it."

"Well, I'd like some straw berries on top, too. You'd better write it down because you know you'll forget it."

He says, "I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice-cream with strawberries."

"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so you'd better write it down!" she retorts.

Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Leave me alone! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it!" Then he grumbles into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment and says, "Where's my toast?"

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Wayside Chapel

An English lady, visiting Switzerland, was looking for a room and she asked a school master if he could recommend any. He took her to see many rooms, and when everything was settled, the lady returned home to make preparation for the move. Once home, she realised she had not seen a water closet (toilet) around the place, so she wrote to the schoolmaster to ask as where the W.C. was. His English wasn’t very good so asked the priest the meaning. They decided it must mean “Wayside Chapel”. His reply went as follows:

I wish to inform you that the WC is situated 9 miles from the house, in a grove of trees with lovely surrounding grounds. It can hold many persons at a time and is open Thursday and Sunday. There are many expected during the summer months so I suggest you come early. There is plenty of standing room but but not a very comfortable situation to be in if you are in the habit of going regularly. 

On Thursday there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent, even the most delicate sounds can be heard by all. My daughter was married there and in fact she met her husband there. My wife is rather delicate, so she can’t attend regularly. It’s almost a year since she last attended which pains her greatly. I shall be delighted to save a special seat for you where you can be seen by all.

The Schoolmaster.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Quiz Time

Welcome to my personal quiz. There are ten questions only, and by the end, you will discover something amazing about yourself. No cheating by looking down until you have answered all the questions honestly.

When answering the questions below, award yourself nil points for A answers, and 2 points for B answers. If you cannot decide which one, that's 1 point.

1) The toilet seat

A) Up
B) Down

2) Who should hold the television remote?

A) Man
B) Woman

3) Which brand appeals?

B) Hyundai

4) Who open a beer bottle or can better?

A) Men
B) Women

5) Best bar meal

A) Steak & Chips (fries)
B) Pasta

6) I want a...

A) Land Rover Discovery (LR4)
B) Mazda MX5

7) I would prefer...

A) Watching the game with a few mates and some refreshments
B) Shopping, carrying a credit card with a nil balance

8) It's more important for a car to...

A) Handle well
B) Be a nice colour

9) I prefer

A) Power tools
B) Kitchen utensils

10) I would love to

A) Drive a supercar down a country road
B) Have a make over

Now for the result below....

If you scored

0-4: You'd make Tim The Tool Man Taylor Proud.

5-8: Your testosterone is fairly high

9-12: Al Borland territory

13-16: Definitely a feminine leaning

17-20 Your estrogen is in full flow

If you want to share your scores, please do reply in the comments box. I scored a four. Phew.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Where To Go For Dinner?

A group of 40 year old buddies discuss where they should meet for dinner.
Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gasthof zum Lowen restaurant because the waitress's there have low cut blouses and nice breasts.

10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gasthof zum Lowen because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also.
10 years later at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should meet.. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gasthof zum Lowen because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.

10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gasthof zum Lowen because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.

10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because they have never been there before.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Corporate Shake-Up

A particular company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?"

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400.00 a week. Why?"

The CEO said, "Wait right here." He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600.00 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back."

Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?"

From across the room a voice said, "Pizza delivery guy."

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

The Amazing Cactus Flower - Part 2

On the 30/12/09, I wrote about a cactus plant in the garden. Well it went mad a couple of days ago! The pics below confirm what a beautiful show they put on. I hope you enjoy them....

Notice the 'spears' on the two middle pics. They are new flowers about to open. The brief bloom is kept going longer, as dying flowers are replaced by a new set. At least 50 blooms will have opened by the time they all finish, all this off one cactus plant.