Friday, March 27, 2015

The Retired Doctor

A retired doctor became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: "Get your treatment for $100 and if not cured I will give you $200."

A passerby thought this would be a great opportunity to get $200. So he entered the clinic.

Passerby: "Doctor, I have lost all taste in my mouth". 


Doctor: "Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."

Passerby:  "Yuck, that is Gasoline!"

Doctor: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $100."

   **********************

The passerby was annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.

Passerby: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."

Doctor: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."

Passerby: "Oh no you don't, that is Gasoline!"

Doctor: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $100."


   **********************

The passerby leaves angrily now having paid $200 and comes back after several more days.

Passerby: "Doctor, my eyesight has become weak and I can hardly see!"

Doctor: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that, so here's your $200 back." (
However, it is only $100).

Passerby: "But this is only $100."

Doctor: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $100."

Friday, March 20, 2015

Some Interesting Thoughts

Honest thinking requires courage rather than intelligence.

It can be painful to be honest with yourself, but denying the truth just isn't smart. Honesty can make us grow, while denial holds us back from any improvement.

Enjoy the little things in life because one day you will look back and realise they were the big things. 

I remember on a lovely summers day vacationing in Dorset, England, my wife and I were returning from a walk to our accommodation. We decided to race twigs down a tiny stream as we went down a quaint country lane and had a great time.

Each day, at least once, take time to appreciate what you usually take for granted. 

I shower every day, often without giving it much thought. Once I hiked for several days without a wash due to circumstances. The hot shower I had at the end of it was heaven.

When someone sincerely apologies, always forgive them. It is unkind to the both of you not to. 

Holding onto a hurt when someone makes an effort to put it right is hard for them. The bitterness you harbour inside may be even worse for you.

Winning isn't everything, doing your best is.  

Winning feels good but no one wins all the time. We can all do our best though, and in that sense we are always a winner.

Simple beauty should be admired and enjoyed

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Is Politeness Manly?

I cycle along a bike track behind where I live (you can see a three part series on it by clicking here). In many parts it is too narrow for two bikes approaching each other to pass. Most of the cyclists are male and 95% of them are not quick to pull off to let you get around them. They will slow down and try to squeeze past, but that just won't be enough. I usually take the initiative and pull off in narrower sections and call them through.

What kind of response do I get? Serious off road cyclists rarely acknowledge me as they past, their egos reflected in their stern faces. More casual riders often smile or say "Hi'. Perhaps 5% of men say "Thanks". As for women, some look surprised when I pull off the track and 95% would say a very appreciative "Thank you".

So why the difference? Is it the pseudo-macho Kiwi male trying to be the tough guy and thinks it isn't suitable? Women have no problem so I wonder if it is a mixture of testosterone and insecurity. Lack of politeness certainly isn't manly. I have so much more respect for women when it comes to how they treat others.
Now that doesn't hurt the ego, does it? 

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

The Quickest Way To London

A man walks into a country pub somewhere in the countryside of England, not too far from London. As he has a quick drink, he says to the barman, ‘What’s the quickest way to London?’

The barman asks, ‘Are you walking or driving?’

Slightly nonplussed, the man says, ‘Driving.’

The barman says, ‘Aye, that’s definitely the quickest way.’

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Corny Jokes

Due to the current economic crisis, Greece is cancelling all production of humus and Taramasalata. It's a double dip recession.

Two people were injured this morning when a bunk bed collapsed. It was not a terrorist attack, but the police are blaming AL IKEA.

Police stops a Pakistani in his transit van on the motorway. Policeman says "Do you know the limit is 70?" The driver leans into the back and says: "Hear that........3 of you have got to get out!"

Jonathan Ross has been accused of shoplifting a kitchen utensil from Tesco. Ross says it was a whisk he was prepared to take.

Just a reminder to those who stole electrical goods in Last Year's Riots. Your one year manufacturer's warranty runs out soon.

A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt. Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Rocher.