Due to the current economic crisis, Greece is cancelling all production of humus and Taramasalata. It's a double dip recession.
Two people were injured this morning when a bunk bed collapsed. It was not a terrorist attack, but the police are blaming AL IKEA.
Police stops a Pakistani in his transit van on the motorway. Policeman says "Do you know the limit is 70?" The driver leans into the back and says: "Hear that........3 of you have got to get out!"
Jonathan Ross has been accused of shoplifting a kitchen utensil from Tesco. Ross says it was a whisk he was prepared to take.
Just a reminder to those who stole electrical goods in Last Year's Riots. Your one year manufacturer's warranty runs out soon.
A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt. Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Rocher.