Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Summer Tip For Cold Drinks

Who doesn't like drinking a cold, refreshing drink on a hot day? However, while the icy beverage is refreshing, the feeling at your fingertips may be unpleasant. The solution? Crochet cup holders. I would not have thought of it, but here they are. These are homemade and would be popular with the feminine gender in particular. There probably needs to be a styling reappraisal to get masculine types to use them.

My sister-in-law made them and did a fine of it too I hasten to add.

Monday, February 23, 2015

The Young Lodger

A Scottish couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath, although if she wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.

"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said.

The girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday. After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched the girl get undressed. She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair. She mentioned this to her husband when he came home. He didn’t believe her, so she said: "Next Monday, when you go to darts, leave a little early and wait in the back garden. I'll leave a gap in the curtains so you can see for yourself."

So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked: "Do you shave?"

"No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hair down there. Do you have hair?"

"Oh, yes," said the woman, and she pulled up her nightdress and showed the girl that she was really generously endowed in the hair department.

The girl finished her bath and went to bed. Later that night, when the husband came in, the wife asked him, "Did you see it?"

"Yes," he said, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours?"

"Why are you worried about that?" she said. "You've seen it often enough before."

"I know," he said, "but the darts team hadn't!"

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Greed Does Not Pay

In the town I live shop rents are not cheap. Businesses trying to make a living are put under pressure by what is charged. Quite a few shops in town are empty at the moment, yet getting the owners to adjust their rates isn't what I see happening. An example from about three years ago - when shop occupancy was higher - emphasises how greed does not pay.

Someone I know who works in a store related how the owners of a shop (who are a consortium of professional business people) decided when the lease came up for review they would increase the rate by 30%! This in a country with interest rates at a few percent pa. The hike was too much and another store was located nearby and they moved there. Since that event three years ago, the shop has remained empty. They have lost three years of rent. If they got a new client now at the higher rate they want, it would take nearly a decade to recoup what they have lost.

I have to say that I am not the sort to enjoy someone's misfortune. However, when greed is the cause I make an exception. A massive rate hike that seemed to have no reason other than a cynical attempt to squeeze more juice out of a hapless shop owner deserves failure. I hope now that they realise the error of their ways and in future treat their existing customer with some respect. It's in their own interests anyway, because as in this case greed does not pay.

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Advertising : Part 5 / Sexism

Back for more of the not very PC world of sexist adverts from a generation ago. These one start with a shopping hint, then a few around the house and finally a couple of car makers get into the sexist spirit.

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

The 50th Wedding Anniversary Treat

A priest had a sermon to prepare on marriage. He heard about Giuseppe, who was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, so asked him to share some insights into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

 Giuseppe replied 'Wella, I'va tried to treat her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!'

The priest responded, 'Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?'

Giuseppe proudly replied, " I gonna go pick her up!"

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Advertising : Part 4 / Social Changes

How a word has changed! Attitudes to weight, guns, sex and femininity are so different. The gun one may still be acceptable in some places, but not PC in most countries.


Saturday, February 14, 2015

The Golden Phone

A photographer on vacation was inside a church in Brisbane, Australia taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read '$10 per call'.

Being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10 you could talk to God.

He thanked the priest and went along his way. Next stop was in Sydney, Australia. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Brisbane and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10 he could talk to God. He then traveled to Melbourne, Australia, and again saw the same golden telephone with the same '$10 per call' sign under it.

Upon leaving Australia he decided to travel to New Zealand and in the first church he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read '10 cents per call.' He was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. 'Father, I've traveled all over Australia and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but it was $10 per call. Why is it so cheap here?'

The priest smiled and answered, 'You're in New Zealand now, my son ... it's a local call.'

PS. Of course we can speak to God from anywhere, 24/7, and gratis. 

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Advertising : Part 3 / Children

The commercial world had no qualms about bringing children into advertising. How they did this way either because of ignorance or amorality.

Monday, February 9, 2015

Beware Of Phone Scams

I got a phone call and when I answered, there was just silence. I waited a short while, then put the receiver down. I checked who the caller was and got an Australian number. I went to the internet and found only one website that had this number listed, Now I assume Australian web sites are but the twist here it is just a .com site.

I found the person as D Mitaros, not a name I am familiar with. This namlats site has a personal profile for several people with this name scattered across that country. They all have personal profiles that didn't seem quite right to me. They have location addresses and I have their phone number, but not known by White Pages when I checked.

There is a scam that occurs when you ring them up out of curiosity. You are connected to a number with perhaps a $20 instant charge and expensive per minute rates. If this was one, I cannot be certain as I didn't want to be caught ringing a number of someone in Western Australia I don't even know. Some clues led me to believe I would end up in Thailand.

The advice is if you get an overseas call and don't know who it is, they can ring you back if it is that important. Making a call back could be an expensive mistake.

Sunday, February 8, 2015

Brawn Can Count (for tradesmen)

I knew two brother-in-laws who were both tradesmen yet very different in size. The smaller man was 5'7" and average build while the other was 6'5" and when he stood in a doorway, he filled it. He wasn't fat, he was just muscle. They had a conversation about customers who were slow to pay.

Small tradesman: "It's so difficult getting money from some people. I go to their home and ask to be paid and they give all sorts of excuses assuring me. Yet nothing usually happens and another visit and more excuses.

Large tradesman (with a surprised voice): "I don't have any problem. I knock on the door and just say I want my money. They simply pay up."

Sometimes brawn has it's advantages.

Friday, February 6, 2015

Advertising : Part 2 / Sexism

A good way to see how times have changed in a generation is to look at older advertisements. it's hard to believe that a generation ago thought this was fine! It goes to show that the culture you are brought up in can have a powerful influence on our thinking.

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

The Helicopter Ride

Stewart and his wife Barbara go to the county fair every year, and every time Stewart would say, "Barbara, I'd like to ride in that helicopter"

Barbara always replied, "I know Stewart, but that helicopter ride is seventy quid, and seventy quid is seventy quid!"

One year later Stewart and Barbara went to the fair, and Stewart said, "Barbara, I'm 75 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance"

To this, Barbara replied, "Stewart, that helicopter ride is seventy quid, and seventy quid is seventy quid"

The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's seventy quid."

Stewart and Barbara agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, But still not a word... When they landed, the pilot turned to Stewart and said, "I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you never did ..... I'm impressed!"

Stewart replied, "Well, to tell you the truth I almost said something when Barbara fell out, But you know, seventy quid is seventy quid!"

Monday, February 2, 2015

Advertising : Part 1 / Cigarettes

A good way to see how times have changed in a generation is to look at older advertisements. Cigarettes were once sophisticated and trendy, promoted by doctors, actors good looking people, children and even the bringer of gifts!

How the tobacco industry did this was clever but heinous. Now cigarettes are promoted as dirty and dangerous, which is what they really are. All in one generation.