Tuesday, July 31, 2012

A Healthy Drink

Many mornings I start with a lemon honey drink. I squeeze dozens of lemons, pour the juice into freezer cube trays. Once frozen, they are then put into a container with a lid to keep them moist and remain in the freezer until required.

In the morning, I get a teaspoon of honey, a cube of lemon and add hot water. I have added a twist where I have started taking a shaving from a ginger root. The photograph shows the ingredients. Once cut, the ginger root is kept in a covered container in the fridge for longevity.

It makes a refreshing, healthy start for the day. If you prefer cold, after allowing time to draw flavour form the ginger, place in the fridge for a while first. Yum...

Friday, July 27, 2012

The Note On The Fridge

A note from the wife on the fridge: "It's not working, I can't take it anymore! Gone to stay at my Mother's."

The husband opened the fridge, the light came on and the beer was cold: "I have no idea what in the world she was talking about........the fridge works fine".

Thursday, July 26, 2012

The Winking Problem

A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry.... we can't hire you."

"But wait," the man says. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!"

"Really? Great! Show me!"

So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all
sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored
condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it
open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.

"Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over the country!"

"Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!"

"Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?"

"Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Olympic Joke #3

The French, German, and Hungarian fencers are arguing over who is the best in their sport.

The Frenchman pulls out his foil: “I will show you all!” He targets a fly buzzing around, and with one swipe of his blade, the fly falls to the ground, cut neatly in half.

The German smiles. He locates another fly, and with two swipes, it falls to the ground, its wings neatly removed.

Now it’s the Hungarian’s turn. Lifting his foil, he takes three swipes at a fly, which flutters off, undisturbed. The others laugh, but the Hungarian replies “That fly will never procreate again.”

The Lie Detector Robot

A father buys a Lie Detector Robot that slaps you when you lie. All excited, he decides to test it out on his son at supper.

"Where were you last night?", the father asks.

"I was at the library." Robot slaps the son.

"OK I was at Jimmy's house."

"Doing what?" the father asks.

"Watching a movie.....Toy Story." Robot slaps the son.

"OK it was porn!" cries the son.

Father yells "What? When I was your age I didn't even know what porn was."

Robot slaps the father.

The mother laughs, "He certainly is your son!"

Robot slaps the mother.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

The Tower Came Down

It was decided that a water tower that was no longer in service needed to come down. It was deemed an earthquake risk but to me it was just an eye-sore. The effort taken to get it down proved it was only the latter.

Saturday, July 14, 2012

A Kind Hearted Scotsman

A Scotsman and his wife walked past a swanky new restaurant.

"Did you smell that food?" she asked. "Incredible!"

Being the nice and kind hearted man that he was, he thought, "What the heck, I'll treat her!"

So they walked past it again.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012