Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Two Interesting Years



In 1981 Prince Charles got married:

Liverpool FC crowned Champions of Europe

Australia lost the Ashes

The Pope Died.




In 2005 Prince Charles got married:

Liverpool FC crowned Champions of Europe

Australia lost the Ashes

The Pope Died.




The Pope must be hoping Prince Charles doesn't marry again.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Who Are You?

When Google recently enabled me to see data about the hits this blog was receiving, it showed me where you come from. I would like to share that with you now.

Since the first month of data collecting in July 2010, the hits per day have been consistent, but not very high. The pattern suggests random traffic rather than too many regulars. Where do all you good folk come from? Unfortunately only the top ten are revealed to me but here they are:

USA 51.1%
South Korea 6.5%
New Zealand 6.1%
UK 6.1%
Australia 2.9%
Malaysia 2.8%
Canada 2.6%
Germany 1.9%
Netherlands 1.3%
South Africa 1.2%
Others 17.6%

The US dominates the rankings. One article in particular seems most popular, the top one on the monthly most popular list. I guess there is a site out there that has promoted that article.

Anyway, from wherever you come, you are most welcome.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Short Love Story

A man and a woman who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping compartment on a Trans-continental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over having to share the carriage they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly........he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00am though, the man was feeling cold and woke up, so he leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, 'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but could you reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.'

'I have a better idea,' she replied. 'Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married.'

'Wow! That's a great idea!' he exclaimed.

'Good,' she replied. 'Well get your own blanket.'

After a moment of silence, he blew off.

Monday, April 18, 2011

There's Nowt So Queer As Folk



A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.





In a semi-rural area, a new neighbor called the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on their road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! - I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Expected Mergers

1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush & W. R. Grace Co. will merge to become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.

2. Polygram Records, Warner Bros & Zesta Crackers become: Poly, Warner Cracker.

3. 3M will merge with Goodyear: MMMGood.

4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, & Dakota Mining will merge: ZipAudiDoDa.

5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become: FedUP.

6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become: Fairwell Honeychild.

7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become: PouponPants.

8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become: Knott NOW!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Selecting A Password


A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, the computer advised him that he would now need to enter a password.
The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife what he was entering by stating each letter out loud as he typed: p.e.n.i.s

She had the last laugh when the computer replied:
PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Sex After Death


A couple made a deal that whomever died first would come back and inform the other of the after life. Their biggest fear was that there was nothing. After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact, "Judy .Judy..."

"Is that you, Steve?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"That's wonderful! What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens) another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again."

"Oh, Steve you surely must be in Heaven!"

"Not exactly ... I'm  in Arizona, on a golf course as a rabbit ."

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Your Name...(Romantic)


I wrote you name in the Sky...

But the wind blew it away.

I wrote your name on the sand...

But the waves washed it away.

I wrote your name in my heart...

And forever it will stay.

Ahhhhh.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Excerpts From The Edinburgh Fringe Festival


I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.

The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm bears.

My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of our family holidays in Customs.

There'd be less litter if blind people were given pointed sticks?

I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was "Shout For Help".

Got a phone call to do a gig at a fire station. Turned out it was a hoax.

I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation - but I'm not very good at it.

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that.

Pic: www.theedinburghblog.co.ukm/flickr