Thursday, May 29, 2014

Monday, May 26, 2014

10,000 Girlfriends

I remember a close friend of Dr Zhivago telling him that you can never satisfy a woman with only half your love. Well how about splitting it 10,000 times? That what this advertisement thinks I should do. Imagine dating a lady, knowing in the back of your mind there are 9,999 other women waiting patiently for their turn. It would be enough to do your head in.

Biblical King Solomon ended up with 700 wives and 300 concubines. He had wealth like no one before or since so he could care for them with lavish luxury. Yet little old me has with much more modest means is supposed to date ten times that number! Admittedly I wouldn't be marrying them all like Solomon did, but how can I divide myself 10,000 times? By the time I had dated them all, I would have forgotten the first 9,990. How do you think that would go down?

No, this advert is not realistic. I cannot and will not even try to date 10,000 women, as nice as they are I am sure. Besides, I am married already and I can only satisfy a woman with all my love.

Saturday, May 24, 2014

The President Tree

See the tiny guy at the bottom

That is the name of a giant Sequoia in the National Park in the USA. It is believed to be 3,200 or so which I would believe. Dating seems to go haywire for anything prior to the great flood about 4,400 years ago, probably due to an unknown amount of fluctuation in carbon in the atmosphere. However, sorry I digress.

By volume of the trunk, it is the third biggest tree in the world, and stands 247 feet tall. It was named after US president Harding in 1923. I don't think I have any trees named after me.

The thing is it has not been photographed in its totality in one photo...until now. A team of National Geographic photographers have worked with scientists to do just that. Using pulleys and levers and taking thousands of snaps, they put together the picture you see here. An amazing photo. Imagine planting a seed of a Sequoia and then outliving it. That would be more amazing.

Caught At The Wrong Moment - Part 3

A werewolf gone wrong

Ready for take off

Romantic cats. Ahhhh

Greenhouse gas solution spotted in a field trial

A cat with a sinister alter ego
Click here to see part 1 and part 2.

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Immigrate, Emigrate And Migrate

I remember once using the word migrate when referring to someone changing country. The person I was speaking to quickly interjected to say animals migrate. So what is the correct way to describe the movement of people? I did a quick Google search and came up with the following:

Emigrate: Leave one's own country in order to settle permanently in another.

Immigrate: Come to live permanently in a foreign country.

Migrate: The movement by people from one place to another.

Migrate also came up with animals moving as well. So it seems to me that only humans do the first two but either humans or animals do the last one. However, I rarely hear the first two, even when applied to humans. It seems everyone migrates, even when the reference is clearly to people leaving or arriving. So this is my summation:

If people are leaving a country permanently, they are emigrating. If they are a permanently arriving, they are immigrating. If you are talking about the movement of people in a broader sense, they are migrating. To put it another way: My parents emigrated from the UK and immigrated to New Zealand. Therefore they were migrants. I am not the sort to study English but that seems to be the correct understanding.

Immigrants arriving in the US. (but emigrants from Europe). 

Caught At The Wrong Moment - Part 2

Man innocently trying to get into the picture

Improvisation fail

He's got a bum hand I'm sure

Dieting can do this to you

She will wake up with an axe to grind with someone

Click on the following to see: part 1 and part 3.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Caught At The Wrong Moment - Part 1

A portable cruiseliner (poor quality image sorry).

I guess a fish-head mask could fool them.

Keeping in touch with the mother ship.

"I just fancy some junk food".

They are big legs for a kiddie.

Click on the following to see: part 2 and part 3.

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Cartoons With A Twist

Sometimes scales have to make a weighty decision

Look above you, look above you...

I guess speed is relative

Mass production Inuit style

Sunday, May 11, 2014

A Sign Of The Wine

With age comes sophistication

Good basic first aid advice

I believe in France that is the case

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Yorkshire Jokes

I am not an English language expert but there certainly is much variation in accents around the world, even within countries. If you don't know much about the Yorkshire accent, they drop the 'a' and 'the'. They also clip the ends off words and vowel sounds are different. Bearing this in mind may help you understand the jokes below.

A Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.
Yorkshireman: "Aye up lad, I need to talk to thee about cat."
The vet replies "Is it a tom?"
Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've brought it with me."

A Yorkshire goes into a pub with his pet giraffe, he gets a pint and the giraffe sits down next to him. His lying down makes him quite an obstacle to pass. The publican is irritated by this lack of consideration.
Publican: "What's that lyin' there?"
Patron: "He's not lion, he's giraffe."

A Yorkshireman's dog dies and he wants to have a gold statue made of it. He goes to a jeweler to enquire about the possibility.
Man: "Can ya make me a gold statue of my dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Man: Ney, I want it chewin' a bone, you daft beggar."

Sunday, May 4, 2014

Success As We Age

Up to three years old success is not peeing in your pants.

Then up to your teens success means having friends.

At your late teens success is getting your driving licence.

From there into your twenties success is a good sex life.

Then as you settle down success is about money.

That lasts until the children leave home.

Then as you get into your fifties and sixties, success is about still being able to have a good sex life.

By the seventies, success is about still having your driver's licence.

Then as you approach eighty, success is about friends, those who are left anyway.

Then after that, success is about not peeing in your pants.

Friday, May 2, 2014

The Rear Vision Mirror

Glance back, but mainly focus on what's ahead. Sensible advice for the road of life...

Whyatt Cartoon - Part 4

For others in the series, simply click on the entry below:

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 (risque), and Part 5.

Jerusalem Artichokes

They are not from Jerusalem, nor are they artichokes. This plant is part of the sunflower family, originally from Eastern North America. The root is used as a vegetable, about 10% protein and not starchy like a potato. They contain inulin which converts to fructose, giving it a sweet taste.

We planted one only to see how they went and it produced a generous harvest. They are fiddly to prepare, with the tuber similar to ginger in shape. We love the flavour, they provide fibre, benefit the immune system and a good antioxidant source. We found the edible skins not so nice, but roasted them pealed.

Just coming up...
...and there is the harvest off one plant!

I think that's a 10 litre pale, so plenty of good eating.

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Tui's Take On The America's Cup

Bearly Believable

Here are some pics taken a few years ago at an Albertan Oil Field, Canada. It's amazing how agile and inquisitive bears are, hence the title.

I'll End The Occupation For A Good Feed

The Latest Thing Gus, A Tree With A Ladder

Hey Somebody, We Need A Lift Home

Silly Signs

Poor taste door lock from South Africa

I assume the driver's name is Tiger

Not only silly but wrong too!