Sunday, February 28, 2016

Random Jokes

I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.

I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.

Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.

When I was a child I thought “Nap Time” was a punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation.

The biggest lie I tell myself is…"I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.

Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.

At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I went in there for.

Monday, February 22, 2016

Cooking Show Parody Video

Whether you have watched this show or not (and I have), I'm sure the humour will be appreciated.

Thursday, February 18, 2016

Tree Feller Extraodinaire

This man broke a lot of modern day rules regarding health and safety. The video starts a bit slow but stay with it. You will be amazed.

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

We Will, We Will Rock You

Antelope Canyon, Navajo Reservation, Arizona

Zhangjiajie National Park, China

Hopi Reservation, Arizona

The Giant's Causeway, Northern Island

Bryce Canyon, Utah
The Kuril Islands, Russia 

Wave formations, Northern Arizona

Friday, February 12, 2016

Tough Times In The USA

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

My neighbour got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

A truck load of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Things You Don't Do

Nothing to see, please move on

The word stupid doesn't do justice to these idiots

No one should bounce over but there's always that risk

So much potential for some sort of harm

High risk of failure and injury

Bored people being foolish

Monday, February 8, 2016

Victor Nunes' Artwork

Pen caps

Shaving razors

Pencil shavings

Popcorn

Sunflower seeds

Sweet wrappers

Pretzel sticks

Sunday, February 7, 2016

Worrying Sign

So how far away is this toilet?

Saturday, February 6, 2016

Work Accidents Waiting To Happen

It's no doubt turned off but a bad habit to get into

This may end up the last thing on his bucket list

Water and electrics don't mix

I guess the observer can call the ambulance if needed.
The whole situation is not a palatable idea

No wonder ladders are involved in so many accidents

I cannot believe this 

Friday, February 5, 2016

Easily Done

You could see how it could happen....

Thursday, February 4, 2016

Football Mates

Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives. When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved Football all our lives, and we played on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's Football there."

Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed, "Mike, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you."

Shortly after that, Joe passes on. At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Mike -- Mike."

"Who is it?" asks Mike sitting up suddenly.

"Mike--it's me, Joe."

"You're not Joe. Joe just died."

"I'm telling you, it's me, Joe," insists the voice."

"Joe! Where are you?"

"In heaven," replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a little bad news."

"Tell me the good news first," says Mike.

"The good news," Joe says, "is that there is Football in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better even than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows. And, best of all, we can play Football all we want, and we never get tired."

"That's fantastic," says Mike. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?"

"You're in the team for this Saturday."

Tuesday, February 2, 2016