Some Of Life's Mysteries Solved

A massive, 12-year research project by Indian academics has answered some of life's lingering imponderables. Staff in the Socio-Linguistic Department of Trivandrum University, Kerala, India, began their research in 1992, linking up with hundreds of further education institutions across the world. A total of 1,200,000 people, of all ages and backgrounds, took part in the study, providing statistically average answers to the English- speaking world's "rhetorical questions". The main findings are:

How long is a piece of string? Nine inches
The height of stupidity? Six feet, two inches
The depth of despair? Six feet two inches?
How low can you sink? 302 fathoms (1,812 feet)
How deep is your love? Four feet, seven inches
How far will you go? 327 yards, two feet, 11 inches
What time do you call this? Just after six

While the academics acknowledge that the answers will have degrees of variance among individuals, the averages across the research sample are sound. If you take the "How deep is your love?" question, explained Professor Vikram Gupta, the variations were enormous -- from inches to hundreds of miles. But, the average of four feet, seven inches seems a very fair compromise. The most surprising finding was the 'piece of string' result. Astonishingly nearly 800,000 people in the survey said nine inches. For some reason, that is the length the vast majority have in mind when they hear this particular rhetorical question. The correct response of nine inches is now a scientific and mathematical fact.