Friday, November 27, 2015

Rather Obvious I Would Have Thought

One day, Jill's husband came home from the office and found his new wife weeping. "I feel terrible," she told him. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers."

"Forget it," consoled her husband. "Remember that I bought an extra pair of pants for that suit."

"Yes, and it's lucky for you that you did," said Jill, drying her eyes. "I used them to patch the hole."

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Two women were walking down the road and the first woman said, "Look at that dog with one eye!"

The other covers one of her eyes and says, "Where?"

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A lady decided to redecorate her bedroom. She wasn't sure how many rolls of wallpaper she would need, but she knew that her friend from next door had recently done the same job and the two rooms were identical in size.

"Buffy," she said, "How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your bedroom?"

"Ten," said Buffy. So the first lady bought the ten rolls of paper and did the job, but she had 2 rolls leftover.

"Buffy," she said. "I bought ten rolls of wallpaper for the bedroom, but I've got 2 leftover!"

"Yes," said Buffy. "So did I."

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A man bought two horses and could never remember which was which. A neighbour suggested that he cut off the tail of one horse, which worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. The second horse's tail tore in the same place and looked exactly like the other horse's tail.

The neighbour then suggested that he notch the ear of one horse, which worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again, the man couldn't tell the two horses apart.

The neighbour then suggested that she measure the horses for height. When he did that, he found that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black one.

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At a job interview the personnel officer was interviewing a young lady for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with any person, living or dead, who would that be?"

She quickly responded, "The living one."

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