I Get It...Or Maybe Not

I get...

If you find you are going to argue with yourself, try to find common ground promptly as things can soon turn pear-shaped.

Women don't nag, they repeat proactive instructions.

I turned down an acting role for the movie Lassie. I didn't want to play the lead.

Never lose sight of the importance of spectacles.

My wife asked me to pass the lip balm but I accidentally passed super glue. Understandably, she's still not talking to me!

I don't get...

I went to a megalomaniac meeting and as background music, they had 'Everybody wants to rule the world'.

I went on a skiing holiday but it went downhill very quickly.

I saw an advert saying this is the last wallet I'll ever need. I was thinking what do they know about my life expectancy that I don't?

They say there's a weird person on every crowded street. I don't see them, no matter how long I stare at everyone. 

I don't know why someone stole my antidepressants. All I would say to them is "I hope you are happy now".

Stating The Obvious

Is the pope a catholic? 

Is the sky blue?

Do one-legged ducks swim in circles? 

Does Donald Trump shoot from the hip?

Can fish swim?

Are polar bears white?

Do the Japanese bow?

Do rats desert sinking ships?

Does an Octopus have eight limbs?

Can dogs bark?

Do Russians drink vodka?

Does the sun shine?

Does Switzerland have mountains?

Do the French drink wine?

Do Mexicans wear sombreros?

Does it snow in Canada?

Do the Finns like saunas?

Can kangaroos hop?

What Am I Driving?

Below there are riddles that identify which model car I drive. If you cant work it out, there is a clue further down the page numbered the same as the riddle. If you still can't work it out, leave a message I will reveal the answer.

1) I went to a dance class and people jokingly said my car suited it perfectly. 

2) My car is a free spirited model, harking back to the American wild west.

3) My car very quick.

4) I think they should have named my car the Arabica. 

5) I went to a multistory car park, but on my return, I realised I hadn't take note of which floor I had parked on.

6) My wife had an accident in the car. I wanted to support her by saying she was in the right but it was her fault.

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If you have to peek....

1) It's a small Honda hatchback.

2) I sometimes just horse around in it. 

3) It's as quick as a bird.

4) It's a new model Hyundai. 

5) I was in a hurry and lost my focus.

6) I couldn't defend her.