A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, 'I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am. 'About 32,' is the reply.' 'No! I'm exactly 50,' the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald's and
asks the counter girl the very same question. The
girl replies, 'I'd guess about 29.' The woman replies with a big smile, 'No,
Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops at a
candy shop on
her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks
the assistant the same burning question. The clerk responds, 'Oh, I'd
say 30.' Again she proudly responds, 'I'm 50, but thank
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting
next to her the same question. He replies, 'Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight
is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old
a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands
under your bra.. Then, and only then I can tell you exactly how old you
wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her.
She finally blurts out, 'What the hell, go ahead.'
He slips both of his
hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He
bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her
breasts together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of
minutes of this, she says, 'Okay, okay.....How old am I?' He completes
one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, 'Madam, you are
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, 'That was incredible, how could
'I was behind you at McDonalds'.