The wife was counting all 5 cent and 10 cent coins out on the kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason. I thought to myself "She's going through the change."
When I was in the pub I heard a couple of mugs saying that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman. What a pair of sexist twits. I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the thing!
Local Police hunting the 'knitting needle nutter' who has stabbed six people in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.
Bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat it!
A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen. The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman grins at the bear and says "Oh, I forgot to tell you, today's the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked."
An Indian man has just moved in next door. He has travelled the world, swum with sharks, wrestled bears and climbed the highest mountain. It came as no surprise to learn his name is Bindair Dundat.