Pics Never Lie

Here is a photo with a naked lady brazenly cavorting around a party....or is this picture as it seems? Have a closer look.

Signs

Advertisement in a music shop:

Guitar for sale. Cheap. No strings attached.

On a bulletin board:

Success is relative. The more the success, the more the relatives.

Sign seen at a driving school:

If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don't Stand In Her Way.

Sign at a barber's saloon:

We Need Your Head To Run Our Business.

Sign in a restaurant:

All Drinking Water In This Establishment Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager.

Signs seen on factory walls:

Those who doubt the resurrection of the dead should be here at closing time.

In God we trust, all others pay cash.

If your boss is a crank, maybe it's because you're not a self starter.

I Called It Lateral Thinking....

For the Annual Company Picnic, management had decided that because of liability issues, we could have alcohol, but only one drink per person...


I was fired for ordering the cups.

Use Your Elbow

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.

"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell."

"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?

"What, you coming empty handed?"

A Weighty Subject

Two Boy's Operations

Two little boys are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room, the first surgeries of the day.

The first boy leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"

The second boy says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."

The first boy says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of jelly and ice cream. It's a breeze."

The second boy then asks, "What are you here for?"

The first kid says, "A circumcision."

"Whoa!" the second boy replies. "Good luck buddy. I had that done when
I was born. Couldn't walk for a year."

Watch Those Eggs

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. 

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh no! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. What? WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the Salt! USE THE SALT! THE SALT!' 

The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?' 

The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'