Signs

Advertisement in a music shop:

Guitar for sale. Cheap. No strings attached.

On a bulletin board:

Success is relative. The more the success, the more the relatives.

Sign seen at a driving school:

If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don't Stand In Her Way.

Sign at a barber's saloon:

We Need Your Head To Run Our Business.

Sign in a restaurant:

All Drinking Water In This Establishment Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager.

Signs seen on factory walls:

Those who doubt the resurrection of the dead should be here at closing time.

In God we trust, all others pay cash.

If your boss is a crank, maybe it's because you're not a self starter.