A sign on a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea.
Money can't buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person to annoy you for the rest of your life.
No one ever says "It's only a game!" when their team is winning.
How long a minute lasts depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!
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