Interpreting What Is Said

People say things but what do they really mean? First, the setting (bold type), then what is said and finally (in italics) what they are really feeling.

Talking on the phone:

"I'll let you go".

I want to finish this conversation but I'll make it sound like that's what you want.

After you tell someone something you are about to do:

"That's very brave"

Are you seriously considering that? 

After you make a suggestion:

"I'll bear that in mind".

They are trying to sound open to the suggestion but have already decided against it and don't wish to discuss it. 

When invited to go somewhere:

"I might join you later"

They wish to appear like they want to come but are not keen at all.

Two ladies conversing at a swish party: 

"What a lovely dress you're wearing".

Why do you have to look so darned gorgeous?

A rarely seen friend suddenly turns up at your home: 

"What do you think of my new car?"

I love to show off and make everyone else feel green with envy.

During a conversation:

"You must come to dinner sometime".

I have no intention of ever specifically inviting you but want to give the impression I do.

I Wouldn't Say...But...

I wouldn't say I am a bad singer....

...but the local bar manager likes me singing Karaoke just before closing. It clears out the stragglers.

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I wouldn't say my brother-in-law has a big house....

....but once the painters have finally finished painting it, they have to start over again.

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I wouldn't say that my mother-in-law is a bad cook....

....but I can see why the family prays before eating.

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I wouldn't say my father-in-law is a heavy snorer....

....but the bleary eyed neighbours have nicknamed him Chainsaw.

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I wouldn't say my wife is demanding...

...but when I offer to make her a coffee, she says she wants an instant one.

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I wouldn't say my Polish neighbours aren't getting on but....

...their loud arguments do indicate they are poles apart.

Sayings That Never Quiet Made It

Sayings are a concise way to say something that paints a word picture in our minds and then drives home a salient point. What are some sayings that could have made it but didn't?

Pic: Giallo Zafferano

1) Don't put all your eggs in one omelette.

Sounds OK but if you haven't got many eggs you may have to use them all. It didn't crack the popular list.

2) Four eyes are better than two.

The more people looking for something the better but the connotation with someone wearing spectacles may have clouded people's vision.  

3) People who live in glass houses need good curtains.

Hiding behind objects while undressing would be a pain.

4) Fortune favours those that save well.

A brave effort but unfortunately never found favour. 

5) Honesty is the softest pillow.

An honest person will have a good conscience but for some reason, a sleeper.

6) If you can't beat them, then you had better run fast.

Sound advice but one that got away.

7) The early bird gets the burnt toast.

It just didn't worm its way into our hearts.

8) When in Rome, do as the tourists do.

Well, that's what most visitors do anyway when they roam around the city.

9) The journey of a thousand miles starts with a prod on the accelerator.

It probably would have taken off on but feet were around long before cars were.    

10) Nothing succeeds like a budgerigar.

It had potential but never took flight. 

I Get It...Or Maybe Not

I get...

If you find you are going to argue with yourself, try to find common ground promptly as things can soon turn pear-shaped.

Women don't nag, they repeat proactive instructions.

I turned down an acting role for the movie Lassie. I didn't want to play the lead.

Never lose sight of the importance of spectacles.

My wife asked me to pass the lip balm but I accidentally passed super glue. Understandably, she's still not talking to me!

I don't get...

I went to a megalomaniac meeting and as background music, they had 'Everybody wants to rule the world'.

I went on a skiing holiday but it went downhill very quickly.

I saw an advert saying this is the last wallet I'll ever need. I was thinking what do they know about my life expectancy that I don't?

They say there's a weird person on every crowded street. I don't see them, no matter how long I stare at everyone. 

I don't know why someone stole my antidepressants. All I would say to them is "I hope you are happy now".

Stating The Obvious

Is the pope a catholic? 

Is the sky blue?

Do one-legged ducks swim in circles? 

Does Donald Trump shoot from the hip?

Can fish swim?

Are polar bears white?

Do the Japanese bow?

Do rats desert sinking ships?

Does an Octopus have eight limbs?

Can dogs bark?

Do Russians drink vodka?

Does the sun shine?

Does Switzerland have mountains?

Do the French drink wine?

Do Mexicans wear sombreros?

Does it snow in Canada?

Do the Finns like saunas?

Can kangaroos hop?

What Am I Driving?

Below there are riddles that identify which model car I drive. If you cant work it out, there is a clue further down the page numbered the same as the riddle. If you still can't work it out, leave a message I will reveal the answer.

1) I went to a dance class and people jokingly said my car suited it perfectly. 

2) My car is a free spirited model, harking back to the American wild west.

3) My car very quick.

4) I think they should have named my car the Arabica. 

5) I went to a multistory car park, but on my return, I realised I hadn't take note of which floor I had parked on.

6) My wife had an accident in the car. I wanted to support her by saying she was in the right but it was her fault.

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If you have to peek....

1) It's a small Honda hatchback.

2) I sometimes just horse around in it. 

3) It's as quick as a bird.

4) It's a new model Hyundai. 

5) I was in a hurry and lost my focus.

6) I couldn't defend her. 

Contrasting Statements

Campaigns raise awareness. Education reaches the heart. 

There is no such thing as bad weather. There is inadequate clothing. 

I do not agree with your opinion. I will defend your right to have it. 

Our upbringing may not have been ideal. We can be the circuit breaker. 

We may be unhappy inside. Let's not make it another person's problem.

We may look longingly at the past. Remember, our memory is selective. 

Ideas On Places To Travel To

                                                               If you like green countryside, here's an idea. Greenland!

They say Chile is a cool place to visit. 

I enjoyed my time in Greece, especially the takeaways. 

Russia is always worth a quick trip. 

I was able to garner some woven kente in Ghana.

Turkey is a fascinating place but wouldn't get my vote at Christmas time. 

I'd only go to Korea if it was a career move. 

Yap is a nice place to go to if you don't mind small dogs barking. 

If you go to Laos, watch out for parasites.

Not sure if my wife wants to go to Alaska, but I'll ask her.

I couldn't get a flight out of Iran, so I ran. 

I was disappointed with Wales. I didn't see any. 

Apparently, singers are not well paid in Singapore.

I've been into Benin.

Watch out for the 'flu in Germany.

I perused Peru. 

Take your appetite when you go to Hungary.

The Intercity 125

I went to the UK in 1979 on a holiday, which included a month-long rail pass to get around the country. The most enduring memory of that was the 125 train, so named for its top speed of 125 mph. I recall going through stations which we didn't stop at so quickly, they were passed in a blink of an eye. 

They were introduced to give the railways in the UK a boost and that they did. The advert to the side shows how trip times were part of the campaign. In this case, it promoted the idea that trains were a speedy way to get around the country. 

Designed in just 20 months, these diesel-powered trains were not expected to run as long as they did but they have now finally bit the dust. Built between 1976 and 1982, they have been in service for over 40 years, not bad for a stopgap measure. 

For more: https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-south-yorkshire-57069437

The Robber Fly

I found this unusual creature on our kitchen benchtop. We had been given some fruit from a friend who has a lifestyle property just out of town. We assume it came from there. What was peculiar was it was on its back all the time, sometimes struggling and other times motionless.

As new Zealand is concerned about unwanted pests establishing themselves here and harming the agricultural sector, the public is encouraged to report insects that are unfamiliar in case it is a danger to the economy.  

I took a few snaps and sent them off to the MPI Entomology department and got a prompt reply:

This is a robber fly (Diptera: Asilidae). Robber flies are robust predators of other insects. They have large claws which they use to capture prey, diving onto the back of other insects in flight. They bite their prey and suck out their innards. Also called assassin flies. Eggs are laid in soil or on/in plants and larvae live in the soil or rotten wood. About 20 species are known in New Zealand, some of which are very rare.

They don't sound very nice but at least it wasn't a pest that was running amok in its newly found environment. 

The Computer Is Always Right

Date Night

My wife said she would like a date night. I was surprised she wanted a special night but I'm always ready to oblige so I said that was fine. It's tonight and I've got things ready. Hope she's impressed.

Hungry Spider (Not for anachrophobes)

 This little spider had a dead fly and was towing it around. I took these pictures of it before it tried to take it up a wall, presumably to a place where it could store it and eat it. It got six inches up the vertical surface before stopping. It was there for hours and couldn't seem to get any higher. I had to admire its attempt but maybe it bit off more than it could chew.

Back To School Advice

I get poor results in maths and she (the teacher) says I don't try hard enough.

I think she's got you summed up.

I hate school and don't want to go.

It is for your benefit. Even fish know schools are useful.

I'm from Australia and our English teacher isn't very good.

What do you expect? You live in Austraaalia.

At school, we are expected to go to the gym but I don't do fit.

Keep that up and your clothing won't do fit either.

I am hopeless at Science but I really like one of the girls in the class.

At least some chemistry is going well. 

We have to do acting and I get upset when I have to do it.

You sound like a drama queen.

I broke something in class and have hidden it from the teacher. What should I do?

I think it's time for show and tell.

Australian Wildlife Series - Spotted Burrowing Frog

This is one of a series of posters I have had for some time. Each article will reveal one poster at a time. The drawings are from Stanley and Kay Breeden and they were sponsored by BHP. This is #12.

Australian Wildlife Series - Koala

This is one of a series of posters I have had for some time. Each article will reveal one poster at a time. The drawings are from Stanley and Kay Breeden and they were sponsored by BHP. This is #11.

Australian Wildlife Series - Hooded Dotterel

This is one of a series of posters I have had for some time. Each article will reveal one poster at a time. The drawings are from Stanley and Kay Breeden and they were sponsored by BHP. This is #10.

Australian Wildlife Series - Herbert River Possum

This is one of a series of posters I have had for some time. Each article will reveal one poster at a time. The drawings are from Stanley and Kay Breeden and they were sponsored by BHP. This is #9.

Australian Wildlife Series - Grey Headed Robin

This is one of a series of posters I have had for some time. Each article will reveal one poster at a time. The drawings are from Stanley and Kay Breeden and they were sponsored by BHP. This is #8.

Australian Wildlife Series - Frilled Dragon

This is one of a series of posters I have had for some time. Each article will reveal one poster at a time. The drawings are from Stanley and Kay Breeden and they were sponsored by BHP. This is #7.

Australian Wildlife Series - Eastern Grey Kangaroo

This is one of a series of posters I have had for some time. Each article will reveal one poster at a time. The drawings are from Stanley and Kay Breeden and they were sponsored by BHP. This is #6.

Australian Wildlife Series - Crimson Chat

This is one of a series of posters I have had for some time. Each article will reveal one poster at a time. The drawings are from Stanley and Kay Breeden and they were sponsored by BHP. This is #5.

Australian Wildlife Series - Common Brushtail Possum

This is one of a series of posters I have had for some time. Each article will reveal one poster at a time. The drawings are from Stanley and Kay Breeden and they were sponsored by BHP. This is #4.

Australian Wildlife Series - Cairns Birdwing Butterfly

This is one of a series of posters I have had for some time. Each article will reveal one poster at a time. The drawings are from Stanley and Kay Breeden and they were sponsored by BHP. This is #3.

Australian Wildlife Series - Brown Tree Snake

This is one of a series of posters I have had for some time. Each article will reveal one poster at a time. The drawings are from Stanley and Kay Breeden and they were sponsored by BHP. This is #2.