I know why I am getting fat. It's the shampoo! The label says it "gives body and volume".
I'm changing to washing up liquid which reads " dissolves all fat, even in hard to reach places".
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Listening to a wife is like reading the terms and condition on a website.
You understand nothing but you still say 'I agree'.
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I used to like my neighbours.
Then they put a password on their Wi-Fi.
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Ever had that awkward moment in a group when you realise no one is listening?
Nothing to worry about. Just stop talking and no one will notice anyway.
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I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer.
I found out while I was looking through her window with my telescope last night.
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Yesterday I fell off a five metre ladder.
Luckily I was only on the first rung.
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