Outdoor Pursuits Fail

I was told I should get out and enjoy the outdoor life more.

So went fishing, but never got hooked.

How about pig hunting they said? I soon got bored with that.

Surfing seemed good but I soon gave that a wave good-bye.

Some say walking in the forest is great for the soul but personally I was glad to give it the boot.

Kayaking is liked by many but my desire soon sank without trace.

I now go to coffee shops and enjoy it
al fresco. That's the sort of outdoor life that I can certainly drink up.




Picture source: Click here.

DNA Ancestry Limitation

There was a TV show in New Zealand where people were given their ancestral roots through a DNA test and flown to far flung places depending on what the test revealed. I have been wanting to do such a test so was keen to see how it went.

Very quickly it became apparent to me the limitation this test has. I noticed unusual links to obscure races or regions being thrown up and those you might expect not featuring. For example, my ancestry of say three to four generations back is in the majority from England. Many New Zealanders would share that with me, but people weren't being picked up as English. Then I realised that a nation like England - with constant immigration for many centuries - is a melting pot of DNA. I assume there is no English DNA as such!

Another point of which I just found out is that males who submit to a DNA test will be analysed though their father, father's father and so on. Women their mother, mother's mother. In other words as our ancestry widens the further we go back, this testing doesn't. It end up a small DNA sampling is found, then extrapolated to become a percentage of our ancestry. That method may end up being quite misleading.

Now I'm not a geneticist or know much about DNA markers but I do know that if I'm told I have a certain percentage of a given race or region, I want it to be correct. From what I see, the idea of finding your ancestry through DNA is not an exact science, and had thought it was. So due to the limitations of DNA ancestry testing, I will save my money and the trouble it takes.

Muslim Women In Traditional Dress

Someone sent me an email stating these were pictures of Muslim women. They are dressed modestly without burkas. It reflects the culture of the nations they come from with dignity.

It Makes Sense

I know why I am getting fat. It's the shampoo! The label says it "gives body and volume".

I'm changing to washing up liquid which reads " dissolves all fat, even in hard to reach places".

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Listening to a wife is like reading the terms and condition on a website.

You understand nothing but you still say 'I agree'.

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I used to like my neighbours.

Then they put a password on their Wi-Fi.

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Ever had that awkward moment in a group when you realise no one is listening?

Nothing to worry about. Just stop talking and no one will notice anyway.

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I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer.

I found out while I was looking through her window with my telescope last night.

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Yesterday I fell off a five metre ladder.

Luckily I was only on the first rung.

Truck Signs

Some truck drivers should read their own signage.

I always carry a cup just in case.

He must have anticipated turning turtle.

If the dance doesn't work......

Amazing School Bus

Post Box Error

ALF Spence, 91, North Yorkshire, has been posting his letters in the dog poo box in error for two years. He said “A woman walking her dog came up to me, tapped me on the shoulder, and asked what I was doing. I thought she was going to cry when I told her. She held my hand and pointed out that the postbox was on the other side of the road.

“I’ve not got the best eyesight these days but even so, the postbox and the dog dirt box are almost identical. They’re both red, the same shape and stuck on a post.

The Car Thieves

The proud owner of a magnificent 1956 Chevrolet convertible wrote to say he had restored the car to perfection over the last few years. On a very warm summer afternoon, he decided to take his car to town. It needed fuel, as the gauge was practically on empty, but he wanted ice cream, so he headed first to his favorite ice cream shop.

He had trouble finding a parking space and had to park the car down a side street. He noticed a group of young guys standing around smoking cigarettes and eyeing his car rather covetously. He was a bit uneasy leaving it there, but people often take interest in such an old and well-preserved car, so he went off to enjoy his ice cream. The line at the ice cream shop was long and it took him quite a while to return to his car. When he did, his worst fears were realized… his car was gone.

He called the police and reported the theft and then went back and bought another ice cream. About ten minutes later the police called him to say they had found the car abandoned near a service station a few miles out of town. It was unharmed and he was relieved.

It seems just before he called, the police had received a call from a young woman who was an employee at a self-service station. She told them that three young men had driven in with this beautiful old convertible. One of them came to the window and prepaid for 20 dollars worth of fuel. Then all three of them walked around the car. Then they all got in the car and drove off, without filling the tank.

The question is, why would anybody steal a car, pay for petrol that they never filled and then abandon the car later and walk away? I guess we will never know.

The Osage Orange

Near where we live is a grove of trees that are prolific producers of balls that are slightly larger than a tennis ball. I wondered what they were and found out they are Osage Oranges, named after the Osage Indian tribe.

The seeds inside can be eaten but that is all. If you have squirrels, they love them and make a mess ripping them open for the seeds. We don't have any squirrels in New Zealand so these eventually decomposed. I grabbed a couple before they all went and photographed them as seen here.

I haven't tried the seeds but may do now that I know they are edible. If you never see another blog article at Light 'N Funny, then you know something went terribly wrong and the advice about eating them is not to be followed.

Know It All Husband - Pam Ayres