Some Jokes

I got sacked a few nights back from the soup kitchen. All I said was, 'Hurry up, some of us have got homes to go to!'

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Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen, 'What you like for dinner my love, chicken, beef or lamb?' 

I said, 'Thank you, I'll have chicken'. 

She replied, 'You're having soup, I was talking to the cat!' 

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Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

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We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

                   

In an Indian restaurant last night having a meal, waiter came over and says, 'Curry ok?' 

I said, 'Go on then, just one song'.

                    

I was sat in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the head by a prawn cocktail. I looked around and this bloke shouts, 'That's just for starters!'