Terrorist Alert Levels

The French government recently announced a rise in its terror alert from “Run” to “Hide”. The normal level is “General Arrogance”, the only two higher levels in France are “Surrender” and “Collaborate”. The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout loudly and excitedly” to “Elaborate military posturing”. Two more levels remain, “Ineffective combat operations” and “Change sides”.

The Germans also increased their alert state from “Disdain” to “Dress in uniform and sing marching songs”. They have two higher levels: “Invade a neighbour” and “Lose”.

The Swiss have increased their alert level from “We’re neutral” to “Turn Jews away at the border”. The only options left would be to offer to “Store terrorist gold” and “To make weapons for them” (at a healthy profit, of course).


The British are also feeling the pinch due to recent bombings and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A bit cross". Londoners have not been "A bit cross" since the Blitz in 1940 when tea supplies ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "B.. Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "B.. Nuisance" warning was during the Great Fire of 1666.