Animals At Large - Part 1

Sometimes It's All You Can Do Just To Hang On

Hair extensions on horses don't work

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer

I hate horror movies

Get up here and stop messing about

Nothing like the wind in your face

For others in the series, please click on part two, part three, part four, part five. and part six

School Boy Howlers

Q: What's green and fights injustice in The West?

A: The Lone Gherkin.

Q: What goes 1, 2...99, clomp. 1, 2...99, clomp?

A: A centipede with a wooden leg.

Q: What goes black, white, black, white, black, white?

A: A penguin rolling down a hill.

Q: What goes black, white, red, black, white, red, black, white, red?

A: A nun rolling down a hill with a blood nose.

Q: What's black and goes through custard at 40 miles per hour?

A: A prune with an outboard motor.

Q: What's green and sings?

A: Elvis Parsley.

Q: What's massive and goes to the ball in glass slippers?

A: Cinderelephant.


For part one, please click here.

Just Three Parachutes

Four people are in a small plane, the pilot, a scientist, a minister and a boy scout. The craft develops a mechanical problem and they are too far away from anywhere to land the aircraft safely. When it becomes apparent that there is one parachute too few, the pilot grabs one parachute and says his aviation skills are too important to waste as he leaps from the craft. The scientist grabs a second parachute and states his mind is too valuable to be lost to mankind and likewise jumps out.

The minister says to the boy scout "You are too young to die so take the last parachute and go".

The boy scout replies "It's OK, there are still two parachutes left, one for each of us".

The minister says "How is that possible" as he and the boy hastily put their parachutes on.

"Well", he explained "the brains of the world just took my back pack".