Observations On Life And People

Mr Bean And A Long Sermon

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty...but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

If it tastes good spit it out.