Marriages are made in heaven...But then again, so is thunder and lightning.
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, either the car is new or the wife is.
Marriage is when a man and woman become one, the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something she said. After marriage, he will fall asleep before she finishes.
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook...but the law allows only one wife.