Irish Trains

The following is an exchange of correspondence between a customer and the Irish Railway Company.

Gentlemen,
I have been riding your trains daily for the last two years, and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day. I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip. I think the transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people 2,000 years ago.
Yours truly,
Patrick Finnegan

Dear Mr. Finnegan,
We received your letter with reference to the shortcomings of our service and believe you are somewhat confused in your history. The only mode of transportation 2,000 years ago was by foot.
Sincerely,
Irish Railway Company

Gentlemen,
I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the ones who are confused in your history. If you will refer to the Bible and the Book of David, 9th Chapter, you will find that Balaam rode to town on his ass. That.... gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do on your train in the last two years!
Yours truly,
Patrick Finnegan.

Olympic Joke #2

At the Olympic Games, a lady meets a man carrying an eight-foot-long metal stick.

'Excuse me,' she says to the man. 'Are you a pole vaulter?'

'No,"' says the man, 'I'm German, but how did you know my name is Walter?'

But I'm Broke

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day; to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. 

'Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple minutes of your time. I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners... 

'Go away!' said the old lady. ''I'm broke and haven't got any money!' 

Quick as a flash, the young man replied 'Don't be too hasty!' he said. 'Not until you have at least seen my demonstration..' With that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. 'Now; if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.' 

The old lady stepped back and said, 'Well let me get you a fork, 'cause they cut off my electricity this morning.'