The Lift (elevator)

An Amish boy and his father left their primitive, reclusive community and visited a shopping mall for the first time. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, 'What is this Father?' The father (never having seen a lift before) responded, 'I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, an elderly lady with a walking stick approached the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady walked slowly between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous young woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son....'Go get your mother.'

How Much Is That Barbie In The Window?

A man was driving home from work one evening when he suddenly realised his daughters birthday was coming up and he had not yet purchased his daughter a gift. So, the man rushed off to the nearest toy store and asked the sales clerk, "How much is that Barbie in the window?"

The sales clerk replied in a condescending tone, "Which Barbie? We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00."

The overwhelmed man asked, "Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.00 and all the others are only $19.95?"

"That's obvious!" said the sales clerk. "Divorce Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, and Ken's furniture."

My mother taught me….

My mother taught me….

1. ANTICIPATION..."Just wait until your father gets home."

2. RECEIVING...."You are going to get it when we get home!"

3. TO MEET A CHALLENGE. What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you! Don't talk back to me!

4. LOGIC. If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.

5. MEDICAL SCIENCE..."If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

6. HUMOUR. When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.

7. GENETICS..."You're just like your father."

8. MY ROOTS..."Do you think you were born in a barn?"

9. WISDOM OF AGE..."When you get to be my age, you will understand."

10. JUSTICE..."One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you....Then you'll see what it's like!"