Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Employee Performance Evaluations

Actual quotes from Federal employee performance evaluations:

"Works well only when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
"I would not allow this employee to breed."
"This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."
"Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."
"When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there."
"This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
"She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
"This employee should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better."
"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
"A room temperature IQ."
"Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."
"A prime candidate for natural deselection."
"Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."
"He's so dense, light bends around him."
"If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate."
"If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week"
"If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
"If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
"It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."

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